Pictures

I was recently looking for a before picture of myself to put on my website.  Just to show how far that I’ve come.

I couldn’t find one.

In my mind, I could picture exactly which picture I wanted for my before picture.  It was a picture of my nephew and I.  He was about 5 months old at the time.  I remember the picture because I didn’t look so great in it.  When I first saw the photo all I could see was that I had a double chin, my skin was oily, and I had acne.  My nephew looked great.  He was smiling and having fun.

I do remember after my dad showed me the picture, I tried to hide it.  I think I eventually tore the picture up and threw it away.  Now when I picture that picture in my mind, I see my nephew and I having fun.  I realize now that I was focusing on the wrong things.

I thought about that for a while. I used to tear up the pictures of myself that I didn’t like.  I did that because the pictures showed me that I wasn’t beautiful to myself.  When I was bigger, I didn’t think I was beautiful. I thought my face was pretty but not beautiful. No matter if someone else called me pretty or beautiful, I didn’t feel that way about myself.  I didn’t like having my photo taken because I didn’t like the photos.

I recently booked a private photographer in Sydney, Australia and I’m so excited.  It was a big step for me.  The recent hair loss turned my world upside down for a while.

I feel beautiful inside and out now.

I just yesterday told some nurses my age.  They were shocked that I am 36 years old.  One of them said that I looked like I was 30 years old.  I took that as a compliment.  I would like to think that I look young because I’m radiating my love for myself from the inside out.

Now I know that I’m beautiful to myself even if no one ever told me that I was pretty or beautiful.

Now I’m ready for my picture to be taken and to share my smile with myself and the world!!

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