Hindsight

If I had of known what was going to happen in 2020, I would have traveled more last year.  I didn’t travel because I knew that I was going to be in California in 2020 and I was going to travel a lot then.  Some psychics knew.  But you can’t prove a psychic right until the event happens until then it is just a dream or something that people think they made up.

Some people wear glasses or contacts to get 20/20 vision.  20/20 vision is perfect vision.

One of the lessons that I learned from 2020 is that some of the things that used to work for me, don’t work for me anymore.  I’m seeing very clearly what works and what doesn’t.  The things that are happening in 2020 are also teaching me that my actions can affect other people.

Another lesson that 2020 has taught me is hindsight really is 20/20.

I recently had another nurse ask me if my decision to stop dating helped me to get to know myself.  I told her yes.  It took me years to make that decision but that it helped me to get to know myself.  I used to put my boyfriend’s needs above my own needs.  I told her the story of my first boyfriend.

When my first boyfriend’s car broke down, I told him that I would drive him to work and pick him up until he got his car fixed.  He worked an hour away from his job.  At the time, I also had an 8 am college class.  I had to get him to work at 7 am.  I got myself up at 5 am and got to his house by 6 am.  At the time, I had a Plymouth Neon which was horrible on gas mileage.  I ended up having to fill up every day.  Just 4 hours of driving on the highway would deplete my gas tank to empty.

What happened to my 8 o’clock class?  I was always late for it.  I could make it there by 8:15 but never any earlier.  The traffic would get bad around 7 am with every one else trying to get to work.  The teacher could have kicked me out of the class because I was always late but thankfully he didn’t.

I took him to work for about a month and then I had to stop.  I couldn’t afford the gas.  I was only working one part time job at that time.

The old Shavawn didn’t see a problem with that.  Putting her college class in jeopardy wasn’t even a concern for her at the time.  She needed to be there for her boyfriend so that he wouldn’t lose his job.  The current Shavawn sees a concern with putting her dreams in jeopardy for a boyfriend.

In hindsight, I can say with certainty that giving up dating to get to know myself was the right decision.  At the time that I was making the decision, I didn’t really want to stop dating but I knew that it would help me.  At that time, I just wanted to be in love, in a relationship, and be married.  I put my boyfriend’s needs above my own and that wasn’t going to help me to get to know myself and get to know what I wanted and needed.

Is there a decision that you have struggled with that now you can say with certainty that it was the best decision for you?

I also told the nurse when I was making the decision to stop dating that I was with a great guy.  My ex got along with my family and my family liked him.  He was even talking about marriage.  I told the nurse that it is sometimes hard to find a guy that fits into your family.  His family was also close by too.  We could spend the holidays with both of our families and not have to choose which one to spend the holidays with.  At the time, I wanted to be married but I also knew that I really didn’t know myself.

This year is teaching me a lot.

What worked for me in the past, may not work for me now.  I will no longer put my needs on the back burner and ignore them.  I need to take care of my needs so that I can take care of and help other people.

What lessons has 2020 taught you so far?  I want to hear about it.

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