Kung Fu Shavawn

One of my favorite movies is Kung Fu Panda.  I’m watching it right now as I write this.  I love the movie because there are so many life lessons in the movie.

The movie opens with Po (a panda) having a dream.  He is dreaming about being a kung fu warrior.  He loves kung fu.  This first scene is inspiring to me because I have dreams too.

Po is working at a noodle shop with his father, Mr. Ping ( a goose).  His father expects him to take over the noodle shop. When his father was young, he had wanted to work with tofu but decided to follow his father into the noodle business.  His father states that if was just a stupid dream that he had.  The specialty at the shop is a secret ingredient soup.  His father hasn’t told him the secret ingredient yet.

Meanwhile, Master Oogway (a turtle), has a vision that Tai Lung ( a snow leopard) is going to escape from prison and try to take the dragon scroll.  The dragon scroll is said to contain magical powers and whoever looks at it will become the greatest kung fu warrior of all time.  Tai Lung is evil and wants to take the scroll for himself.  Master Shifu raised Tai Lung as his son.  Master Oogway calls to his friend, Master Shifu ( a red panda), to tell him of his vision.  After telling Shifu his vision, Shifu calls for his assistant, Zeng (a goose) to go to the prison and tell them to double their guards so tai lung won’t escape.

Master Oogway states that, “one often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it”.

That line always makes me laugh because it reminds me of myself.  After I graduated from RN school, I wanted to be a labor and delivery nurse.  I had seen in my dreams that I was going to be working on a med/surg/telemetry floor.  I didn’t want to work there.  I spent a whole year just applying to labor and delivery floors and getting no interviews.  I finally started to apply to other jobs.  I applied to med/surg floors and other specialty floors.  I got six interviews.  One was to a new graduate position on a med/surg floor.  The other interviews were to a med/surg/telemetry floor.  Can you guess which floor I ended up on?  I ended up on a med/surg/telemetry floor, just like I had seen in my dreams.  I was trying so hard to avoid it.

When Zeng reaches the prison, he is shown that Tai Lung can’t escape.  Tai Lung ends up escaping because one of Zeng’s feathers drops near him.  If Master Shifu had not sent him to the prison then Tai Lung wouldn’t have been able to escape.  Master Oogway’s vision comes true because Master Shifu was trying to get the prison to double their guards so Tai Lung wouldn’t escape.

That day while Po is working, a poster is put up that Master Oogway is going to be choosing the dragon warrior.  Po excitedly tells every one to go to the Jade Palace to learn who the dragon warrior is.  Po unfortunately doesn’t make it in time to make it into the palace.  He tries multiple times to get into the palace.  He doesn’t give up because he wants to see which student is going to be chosen.  Po looks up to the Furious Five.  The furious five include Master Tigress, Mantis, Monkey, Crane, and Viper.  Po ends up tying fireworks to a chair to get into the palace.  His father comes and asks what he is doing.  He finally breaks down and tells his dad that he loves kung fu.  Po ends up being blasted into the sky and falls in front of Master Oogway.  Master Tigress thinks that Master Oogway was about to choose her to be the dragon warrior.  Master Shifu and the furious five are disappointed but Master Oogway’s decision is made.

While Tai Lung is escaping from prison, Master Shifu is trying to teach kung fu to Po.  Master Shifu tries to teach Po just like he taught the Furious Five.  Po fails miserably the first day.  Master Shifu makes a plan to get rid of Po.  He doesn’t believe that Po is or can be the dragon warrior.  He tells Master Oogway that is was an accident that Po fell out of the sky and fell right in front of Master Oogway.  Master Oogway states that there are no accidents.

That line also teaches me that there are no accidents in my life.  When I look back, I can see that every thing was orchestrated by the Universe/God.  I was meant to be a nurse just like my dreams showed me.  I made it through RN school with help from the Universe/God.  In my dreams I saw myself doing yoga, hiking, and being happy with myself.  I am now doing yoga, hiking, and I’m happy with myself.  I am now the woman that I saw in my dreams.  That is no accident or coincidence.

After Po fails the first day of training, Master Shifu is upset.  He doesn’t believe that Po is meant to be the dragon warrior.  The furious five don’t believe that he is going to be the dragon warrior either.

Po goes to find something to eat.  Master Oogway finds him and has a talk with him.  Po starts to compare himself to the furious five.  Po wants to quit because he isn’t any good at kung fu.  Master Oogway tells Po that he is too concerned about what was and what could be.  Master Oogway then say, “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift.  That is why it is called the present”.

This line is something that I have struggled with and still continue to struggle with at times.  I know parts of the future but I don’t know when the dreams are going to come true.  I would love to know when they are going to come true but the Universe/God doesn’t want me to know.  I also used to compare myself to other people.  I’ve learned to stop doing that because success looks different for every person.  There is enough success for every one.  I also used to compare myself to my future husband’s exes.  I’m not like his exes but that may be a good thing. I just need to be the best me that I can be.

The next day, Po wakes up early to try to train and learn kung fu.  The second day of training is no better than the first day.  Po doesn’t quit because he loves kung fu and wants to learn.

Master Shifu is frustrated that Po hasn’t quit yet.  When Master Shifu learns that Tai Lung has escaped he goes to find Master Oogway to tell him.  Master Oogway isn’t scared because he believes that Po will stop Tai Lung.  Master Oogway states, “the panda will never fulfill his destiny nor you yours until you let go of this illusion of control”.

I remember that my life coach has said this to me.  There are some things that you can control but some things you can’t control.

Master Oogway tells Master Shifu that he just needs to believe that Po is the dragon warrior.  Master Shifu promises to believe.

Po gets scared of his destiny because he hasn’t caught on to kung fu.  He starts to doubt that he will ever become good.    He doesn’t want to face Tai Lung in a battle.  He tries to run away but is stopped by Master Shifu.  Po states that he stayed before because he believed that Master Shifu could turn him into the dragon warrior.  Po stated that it hurt every day of his life just being himself and he stayed so that Master Shifu could make him not be himself.  Po understood that he needed help to become the dragon warrior.  The furious five go off and try to fight Tai Lung.

This part of the movie, encourages me.  I used to be afraid to ask for help when I needed it.  I almost failed a class because I didn’t want to get a tutor because I felt that I should be able to get through it on my own.  When I got a tutor I passed the class.  Its a sign of your own strength when you can ask for help from other people.  I would not be where I am today if it weren’t for the help of other people.  My family has helped me, my friends have helped me, and my life coach has helped me to become the woman that I am today.  My life coach helped me to become a better version of myself. That is what life coaching is.

The next day, Po is upset and goes to find some thing to eat in the kitchen.  Po eats when he is upset.  ( I used to do the same thing).  Master Shifu hears some one training and goes to find out who it is.  He finds Po in the kitchen doing kung fu moves to get to the food.  Po has broken the wooden doors with his fist and also does a split to get to some cookies.  Po states that it is just an accident that he did a split to get to the cookies.  Master Shifu smiles and takes Po up to a mountain to train him.  Master Shifu realizes that he can’t train Po like he trained the furious five.  He teaches Po kung fu through food.  Po ends up learning kung fu.

The furious five fight Tai Lung and end up being defeated.  Crane flies them back to the jade palace.  Master Shifu decides that it is time for Po to get the dragon scroll so that he can get the power necessary to defeat Tai Lung.  The dragon scroll turns out to be a blank scroll.  Po doesn’t receive any special powers.  Master Shifu decides that he will fight Tai Lung and tells the furious five and Po to evacuate the village.  Po goes back to his father’s noodle shop.  Mr. Ping finally tells Po the secret ingredient to his secret soup.  His father tells him that the secret is nothing.  Mr. Ping states, “to make some thing special you just have to believe that it is special”.  Po then realizes what the dragon scroll is saying.  He is the dragon warrior because he believes that he is the dragon warrior.  There is no secret ingredient or powers.  Po then goes back to the jade palace to confront Tai Lung.

In the fight with Tai Lung, Po uses the lessons that he has learned to defeat Tai Lung.  He uses what other people told him were his weaknesses.  He uses his fat, his love of food, his ability to learn, and of course kung fu.  For most of the movie, other people have called Po a big fat panda.  Even Tai Lung says that he can’t be defeated by Po because he is just a big fat panda.  Po states that he can because he is “The Big Fat Panda”.  When Tai Lung get and looks at the dragon scroll he thinks that he is going to get great power.  He states the it is nothing because it is blank.  Po tells him that here is no secret ingredient, it is just you.  Master Oogway made a great choice in choosing Po for the dragon warrior.  Po is believed to be the last panda.  Po is able to withstand some of Tai Lung’s attacks because he is a panda.

This last part encourages me.  I’ve learned to use what other people consider my weaknesses to my advantage.  I used to be told that I was too nice, I smiled too much, and that I was weird.  My compassion and empathy has made me a great nurse.  I have been told my many people that I have a beautiful smile.  I love to smile and I will share it.

I used to be afraid of some of my dreams.  I thought to myself that I’m not right for the job that the Universe/God has for me.  This movie helps me to realize that there are no accidents and the Universe/God chose me.  I’m just right for my dreams because I was chosen.

If you’re ever afraid of your dreams just remember that the Universe/God doesn’t choose wrong.  You have those dreams for a reason.  You can also turn what other people perceive as your weaknesses into your strength.

Every time I need to remind myself of these lessons I just watch Kung Fu Panda.

Am I Weird?

I’ve recently had some people tell me that I’m weird.  I take it as a compliment.  If some one told me that I was normal, I might be a little hurt.

I was having a conversation with my recruiter for my first nursing agency about the current assignment that I’m on.  I was telling her that I don’t like block scheduling.  Block scheduling is when they put your days together.  I was working 3 days in a row a lot.  I was told in the interview that block scheduling would only be used if the nurse asked for it.  The first month, the hospital had me working block scheduling every week.  When I spoke up and told the manager, she stated that usually travel nurses like block scheduling.  I don’t.  Even my recruiter was telling me that most of her recruits like block scheduling.  She called me weird but again I took it as a compliment.  Because I spoke up, they stopped the block scheduling.  I know that as a travel nurse, I have to be flexible.  I can do block scheduling maybe once a month but I don’t like it.

I had a friend call me when she had a supernatural experience.  She was feeling very uncomfortable about the situation.  I told her that because of the way that I grew up, things like that are just normal for me.  I’m very comfortable having supernatural experiences.  She called me weird.  Just another compliment for me

I was recently telling a patient that there is no normal.  What is normal for me may not be normal for another person.  Medications don’t work on every one the same way.  Some patients may have side effects while another person taking the same medication may not.  Some patients want to know the side effects of their new medication while some others don’t.  One patient told me that they didn’t want me to go over the side effects because then they would have every side effect mentioned.  They would just take the medication information but not read it.  That was that patient’s “normal”.  They believed that looking at the side effects would bring the side effects on.  I didn’t think that was weird.  I understood.  I still had to provide the patient with the information but the patient also has the right not to listen to the information provided.

When patients ask what is the normal schedule for bowel movements, I have to tell them that every one is different.  Some people go after every meal, some go once a day, some go twice a day, some go every other day, and some people go every two days.  I can’t say what the “normal” schedule is.  I then have to ask them what is their normal schedule.  Some people haven’t thought about how much they go and I’m the first person to ask them that question.  I’ve had some patients ask me why I need to know when the last time they had a bowel movement.  One patient said that was a weird question because they didn’t come to the hospital for that issue.  I told that patient, that is was a part of the admission assessment, we as healthcare workers need to know.  We don’t want the patients to become constipated while in the hospital.

Some of the conversations that nurses have would be considered weird by other people.  Nurses talk about bowel movements, wounds, and other things that would make some one else feel uncomfortable.

After graduating RN school, I applied to work at the GI lab where I interned at.  I was excited to work there.  It excited me to see the inside of the stomach and intestines.  Unfortunately I didn’t get the job because they hired another of my classmates that applied earlier than me.  Another of my classmates called me weird for wanting to work there.  I thought it would be interesting.

I don’t consider myself weird, I consider myself a normal Shavawn.  I’m just being myself.  I used to hate when some one told me that I was weird.  I wanted to be normal and fit in.  Now I just want to be myself and if some one thinks that is weird, then I’m okay with that.

I wonder what the world would be like if more and more people embraced their weirdness.  That may be just what the world needs.  The world doesn’t need more people trying to be the same.  The world needs more and more people that are willing to just be themselves and love themselves for it.

Ready or Not?

At work, last week, I had a very uncomfortable conversation with some other co-workers.

I had just clocked out for my lunch break and was looking forward to just sitting down.  When I got to the break room, there was already 4 other people in there having lunch.

As I was getting my lunch from the fridge, I was listening to their conversation.  They were talking about another co-workers weight.  They were talking about having an intervention about her weight.  They were hesitant to do it because they didn’t know her very well.  One of them had been out with her once after work but still didn’t know her well.

I sat down to eat my lunch, just hoping that I wouldn’t get sucked into their conversation.  Unfortunately one of them asked for my opinion.  I told them that it was really up to that woman to decide to lose weight.  Having an intervention won’t make her be ready.  I understand that they are concerned about her health and weight but it may make for an uncomfortable work environment if they did the intervention and she wasn’t ready to lose weight.

I told them about how I lost weight.  I told them that many people had told me over the years that I needed to lose weight.  Some people even told me that I look good with some weight on me.  Ultimately it was still up to me to decide to lose weight.

Becoming the food police wouldn’t help either.

I remember a few years ago, at work, I was at lunch and decided to eat a doughnut.  One of the patient’s family members had brought in some doughnuts to thank the staff for taking care of the patient.  One of my co-workers walked in and sat down.  She said to me that I shouldn’t be eating that doughnut.  “A moment on the lips equals a lifetime on the hips” is what she then stated.  I didn’t pay attention and kept eating the doughnut.  I remember that hospital because most of the nurses were skinny.  It was only about 3 over weight nurses and I was one of them.  I was uncomfortable every time that I went to work because almost every one that worked on my floor was skinny.

Another incident that I remember was when I was in RN school.  I would change my eating habits when eating with the other nursing students.  I would eat healthy around them.  I didn’t want to expose my eating disorder to them.  One of the other nursing students told me that I should be skinny because of the way that I was eating.  I told her that it was the way that I ate at home that was keeping me over weight and I didn’t exercise.

Even some of my patients commented on my weight.  Some of them would say that I would look so much prettier if I lost 50 pounds.  At the time, I chose to take it as a compliment.  At least they thought I was a little bit pretty.  I didn’t want their comment to ruin my shift so I just smiled and laughed and went on with my day.  I was uncomfortable being at 180 pounds but to myself I was pretty.

Its become acceptable in our society to comment on some else’s weight and not to focus on the real issue.  That person might be going through a rough time in their lives.  Some people deal with their issues by eating.

I call that swallowing your voice.  In the process of eating, you temporarily get away from your feelings.  You don’t want to deal with your issues so you eat so that you can go numb from your problems for a while. 

The problem with swallowing your voice, is that the “high” or numbness goes away when you finish eating.  When you finish eating the guilt comes in because you may have eaten half a dozen doughnuts in one sitting. Then your issues still haven’t gone away.  What I would then do is plan what I was going to have for lunch or dinner.  That would usually evolve half a dozen doughnuts or a whole cake.

I was thinking about those incidents today and remembered something my life coach told me once.  She said that over weight people wear one of their problems in public every day.  When an over weight person goes out into public, almost every one can see that they have an issue with food, self care, depression, or some thing else.  Not every one who looks at a skinny person can tell what their issues are.

My life coach also once told me that people that are over weight are usually over weight for a reason.  That reason is rarely about just the food.  The over eating is usually a symptom of a deeper issue.  For example, my issues were my self esteem, not knowing myself, and not loving myself.  Until I dealt with those issues, I would continue the eating disorder and the up and down roller coaster of my weight.

You can tell someone else about their problems but they don’t have to do anything about it.

It is up to that individual to deal with their problems.  When I was over weight, I didn’t need any one to tell me that I was over weight.  I already knew it.  When some one told me about my weight, it would just make me feel even worse.  I would then reach for food to comfort myself.  It just became a vicious cycle.

When that person is ready to do something about a problem that they are having, then they will deal with it.  I was only able to deal with my issues when I was ready.  I got to a point where I realized that I couldn’t continue the way that I was.  I was stuck.  Like one of my friends told me, “when the person is ready, the teacher will appear”.  When I was ready to deal with my issues, my life coach was doing a special and I hired her and I dealt with my issues.  It wasn’t a coincidence, it was meant to be.  The teacher appeared when I was ready.

Another example is when I see patients coming back to the hospital with the same problems.  Those patients just tell me that their medications need to be adjusted.  I educate them on their diets, exercise habits, and taking care of themselves but they don’t have to listen to me.  The evidence that they don’t listen is when I see them a couple of weeks later back in the hospital.  I have to realize that I can’t “fix” their problems, it is up to the patient to take care of themselves when they go home.  When the patient is in the hospital, the hospital can control some things like their diets and their medications.  Sometimes that works and some times it doesn’t.  If the patient wants to have some one bring them unhealthy food ultimately we can’t stop them.  When that patient goes home, they can change their diets and medications when they want to.

I just told my co-workers that it was up to the other co-worker to lose weight.  We can’t force her to lose weight.  We can’t make her be ready just because we are ready for her to lose weight.  We don’t know what is going on in her life right now.  They said they were uncomfortable even talking to her about it and that is why they wanted to get some one that was close to her to talk to her about it and do an intervention.

Thankfully after I gave my opinion, the conversation turned to hiking and running marathons.

Pleasant Surprises

I was doing my laundry last month and happened to look at myself in the mirror.  I realized something at that moment that was a pleasant surprise.

I have maintained my weight for over a year.

I haven’t maintained my weight since 2001.  Ever since 2001, I have been going up and down with my weight dealing with my eating disorder.

This past year, I haven’t been dieting.  I just found a life style that I love and that I can maintain even when I’m traveling.  I was worried when I became a travel nurse that I wouldn’t be able to maintain my weight.

What I have found that works for me is not to deny myself any thing that I want.  Just last month, I went to the Cheesecake Factory and ordered a cheese cake.  I didn’t feel bad about it either.  I wanted it so I ate it.  I used to feel guilty when I ate certain foods or I was afraid that I would revert to my old habits again.

I finally found a balance.

So what did I do when I realized this pleasant surprise.  I wanted to celebrate.  I had already booked a photography tour of LA.  I was going to turn that into my celebration time.  I’ve learned to celebrate the victories that I have in my life.  I had a great time on the tour and I loved the photos that I brought back.

For me, consistency is the key to maintaining my weight.

I consistently eat vegetables and fruits and exercise.  Before working with my life coach, I consistently ate doughnuts, cakes, and lunchables.  That is why I consistently felt tired, sad, drained, and burnt out.

Consistency is also the way that I achieve my goals.

With the help of my life coach, we broke down my goals into small action steps.  Some times the action steps were easy and some times they were challenging.  Even when they were challenging, I still wanted to do them because the steps would get me closer to my dreams and goals.

I consistently want to feel at my best so I have to consistently take care of myself.  On New Year’s Day, I woke up in a sad mood.  I thought to myself, why do I feel so sad today.  I remembered that I had eaten some muffins the day before.  I realized that almost every time that I eat certain foods, the next day I feel sad.  I had no plans for the day but I decided to make some plans.  I looked up hiking tours in the area and found a sunset tour.  I immediately started to feel better and excited.  I know that being in nature always makes me feel better.  I ended up having a great time on the tour and getting to see an amazing sunset and the full moon.  That was another pleasant surprise.

Now when I talk to my patients about their diets, I tell them that consistency is the key.  I used to try to overhaul my whole diet in one day and that never worked.  I could keep it up for about 3 months and then I would go back to my old habits.  With my new life style, I just added in some foods gradually and let go of some foods gradually and over a year later, I’m maintaining my weight.