Ignoring my Calling

For most of my life, I have been ignoring my calling.

Looking back now, I can see the signs that I missed pertaining to my calling.  God/Universe wants me to be a teacher.  Maybe not in a classroom but a teacher of some kind.

One time that I ignored a sign was when I was in RN school.  I was in the bridge program for LPNs.  It was a three semester program.  Before starting the dean told me to stop working my two jobs so that I could make it through the program.  I didn’t listen.  I thought I could make it work.  The first semester came and I found that I was having a hard time balancing my work and school life.  I was having a hard time making time to study.

By the end of the first semester, I had a high C in the class.  At the end of the semester, there was three exit exams that we had to take.  We only had two chances to pass each test.  The first time, we took the test, the teachers didn’t count the questions that we hadn’t gone over in the semester.  If we got those questions wrong, it didn’t count towards the grade.  The second time we took the test, the students had to get above the national average.  The first time, the score that the students had to get was lower than the national average.  The national average was the average score that the nursing school students scored on the exit exams.

I ended up not passing any of the exit exams.  I had to retake all three of them.  To take the exams the second time, the students had to sign a contract saying that if the student didn’t pass the exam, the school could change the grade to a D.  The student could not continue in the program unless the student passed the exit exams.  I ended up passing two out of the three exit exams.  To say I was crushed would be an understatement.  I remember going into the dean’s office crying.  She told me that she would give me another chance.  The regular program was starting that Monday and I could start in it.  She told me that I wouldn’t get another chance if I didn’t pass the exit exams again.

The third semester, I had to meet with the dean.  This meeting was just to check on my progress in the program. I had passed the exit exams.  I had almost flunked out of labor and delivery but ended up passing.  I had only talked to the dean a few times.  She told me that I would make a good teacher.  At the time, I was not interested in that.  She even told me that she would pay my fees to be a part of the teacher’s association.  I told her thank you but no.

Looking back on that situation, I was amazed that she would even say that to me.  I had flunked out of the bridge program and almost flunked out of labor and delivery.  Some how she still saw in me the potential to be a teacher.  She must of heard that from the other teachers that had taught me in the program.  Different teachers in my LPN and RN programs have said that I would make a good teacher.  They told me that I had the patience and disposition to be a great teacher.  Another sign that I ignored.

One thing that nursing school doesn’t teach you is how to teach.  At some point in a nurse’s career, a nurse is going to have to teach.  There may be nursing school students on the floor that day.  A nurse may be asked to train a new nurse coming on the floor.  My first job in the hospital, I ended up training a new nurse.  I had only been working at that job for a little over a year.  I still felt like a new nurse at that time.

I recently worked at a hospital in Florida.  There were three different nursing schools coming to the floor on different days.  This hospital unfortunately had the nurses with seven patients at times.  I loved when the nursing school students came and they had some of my patients.  I could ask them to help me or they could take some of my tasks off of my plate.   Two of the teachers told me that I would make a good teacher.  Another sign from the Universe/God.

One day all of the students were placed with me.  I had a great day.  The students were beginning to compliment me on taking the time out to teach them and letting them do things.  I remember how it was to be a nursing student and so I like to pay it forward.  Nursing school can’t teach every thing about nursing.  Some things nurses have to learn while on the job.

I remember in LPN school, there was one nurse on the floor who didn’t like students.  She had a nasty attitude towards us and didn’t allow us to do anything with her patients even though the nursing school teacher assigned a student to that patient.  When I had one of that nurse’s patients that day, I didn’t know what to do.  Thankfully it was her birthday that day and she was in a good mood and allowed me to take care of the patient.  Through her behavior I learned what kind of nurse that I didn’t want to be.  Every nurse has been a nursing student at some point.   Now I love it when students are around.   That is just another sign that I was being called to be a teacher.

Now I’m not ignoring the signs anymore.

I Still Amaze Myself

Last week, I did something so simple but it still amazed me while I was doing it.

I was going to Tijuana with a friend.  I got there early.

The Shavawn of 5 years ago would have just waited in the car until her friend showed up.  She was insecure about other people thinking that she had no friends.

Instead of sitting in the car, I saw a dollar tree.  I wanted to go window shopping.  On the way to the dollar tree, I saw that there was an outlet mall across the street.  I chose to go to the outlet mall and window shop.  I enjoyed myself.

It was something that was so simply but at the same time it wasn’t.  I was thinking while I was window shopping how hard this would have been for me a couple of years ago.  I used to hate to do things by myself.

Now I’m a travel nurse traveling around the US by herself and enjoying it.

A couple of weeks, ago a drug company came to the hospital and brought us lunch.  I ended up taking the salsa home.  I was going to put it in a salad or my tortilla.  I found myself really happy and dancing in the kitchen when I was using the salsa.  I was just happy to be using the salsa.  I used to dance like that before I ate the doughnuts and cakes that I used to eat.  Now I get happy and excited to eat healthy foods.

My parents have a garden and I love when the tomatoes are ready.  I can actually tell the difference between home grown tomatoes and store bought tomatoes.  I love the home grown tomatoes.

If you had of told me 5 years ago that I would enjoy eating vegetables and fruits, I would have called you a liar.  Back then, I loved my doughnuts and cakes.  That’s why I ate them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner at times.

I hope I never get out of this phase where the little things like this still amaze me.

Sometimes you just need a reminder of how far you’ve come.

It’s so easy to get caught up in what’s next.  With my life coach, I check off a goal every 2 weeks and then I’m on to the next goal.  Sometimes I forget how much I’ve actually done.

I remember when speaking in public used to be a big deal to me.  It still scares me but I know that I can do it.  I did an open mic night at a club.

Just recently I was trying to write my biography.  I was having a hard time listing the things that I’ve done.  It felt like I was bragging.  It isn’t bragging to list the things that you’ve done.  It may actually encourage some one to know that you did something that scared you.

Almost every time that I’m scared to do something, I think of the things that I have already done.  I went skydiving, did an open mic night, got my certification to be a life coach, lived in Hawaii for 6 months, beat my eating disorder, started a blog, and so much more.

So next time you get scared or sad, just think of some of the things that you have done throughout your life.  I’m pretty sure that you may be amazed also, just like I was.

 

When?

When?

I used to think happiness was a destination.

I used to tell myself that.

I’ll be happy when I lose the weight.

I’ll be happy when I graduate from college.

I’ll be happy when I get married.

I’ll be happy when I get a new job.

I’ll  be happy when I become a travel nurse.

Some of those came and I still wasn’t happy.

I realized that happiness comes when I decide to be happy.

I am happy with the woman that I am now and the woman that I am still becoming.

I am happy with the progress that I’ve made and I’m happy to be working towards my goals and dreams.

I took responsibility for my own happiness.

I am happy because I decided to be happy and grateful.