Assholes have a purpose!!  Sorry for the language, but now that I have your attention let me explain.  Almost every one has that person in their life that they can’t stand.  It could be a co-worker or a family member.  Some one that you are forced to be around but that you wouldn’t choose to be around.  I have one of those people around me.  I was talking to my health coach and she stated that it’s usually the people that you can’t stand, that are your biggest teachers.  As a travel nurse, I know that every one isn’t going to like me and that some charge nurses are going to give me the hardest assignment.  I will also be the first one to be floated to another unit when necessary. One charge nurse, just doesn’t like me and will go out of her way to be mean and nasty at every opportunity.  I don’t allow her to get to me.  I know she wants to see me lose my cool and get mad.  She will change my assignment or she won’t speak to me when I say hello.  I can’t control her behavior but I can control my behavior.  She has taught me some lessons.  She has taught me when I need to speak up and when I need to go with the flow and say nothing.  She has taught me that even when people are mean to you, it doesn’t mean that you have to be mean to them.  I’m not going to stoop down to their level and be mean too.  She doesn’t get to choose my mood or my actions, I do!  No one can make me angry, happy, or sad.  I can only choose to be angry, happy, or sad.  I also remember that even though I don’t see her in a favorable light, she has a family.  She has people in her life that love her.  She is a human being.  For example, your butthole allows the poop to leave your body.  That is its purpose and without it you couldn’t get rid of the waste in your body.  Trust me when I say you need to get rid of that waste.  When I was on the South Beach diet, I didn’t poop for a month and was vomiting every night.  In conclusion, assholes have a purpose!  I just try to see the lesson that they are there to teach me.  Every opportunity allows me to grow and become a better person.  Sorry mom for the language.  Love you Mom! Thank you for being a great example and role model for me!

 

 

Almost every time I was in a relationship, I would put the guy over myself.  I would put his needs first and neglect my needs.  I remember when I had lost 31 pounds and my then boyfriend didn’t like it.  He said that I had lost my curves.  It made me feel bad because I wanted to be attractive to him.  I could tell from the way he acted that he didn’t like the weight lose.  One boyfriend meet me when I was in the process of losing weight.  He ate out a lot but he exercised so much that he didn’t gain any weight. Eventually I started to eat out with him.  I started gaining the weight back.  Unfortunately for me he liked it.  He would tell me that I now had curves and an ass.  I didn’t want to lose weight because he liked my body now.  He would make comments that when we first met I was too skinny.  I didn’t have an ass or my breasts were tiny when we first met.  In the course of our relationship I went from a size 6 to a size 14.  I didn’t like my body.  I was torn between wanting to lose weight and looking good to my boyfriend.  I chose to look good for him.  I was miserable with myself.  After that relationship ended I realized that I couldn’t put any body else’s needs over my own.  I was the only person who had to live in my body.  It didn’t matter if my exes liked my body when it was thick.  The only thing that mattered was that I didn’t like my body when I was thick.  It didn’t matter if people told me that I looked better with some weight on me.  I didn’t like my body when I had a lot of excess weight on it.  I learned that I had to look good for myself and not any one else.  I need to be happy with myself.  The journey had to start with getting to know myself and loving myself from the inside out.  Losing the weight now is just a side effect of loving myself.

My happiness isn’t in my bank account!  My happiness isn’t in my weight!  My happiness isn’t in my clothes!  My happiness isn’t in my car!  My happiness isn’t based on if I’m going to be rich or famous!  My happiness comes from within.  My happiness is found in helping other people.  My happiness comes from doing a job that I love.  My happiness comes from loving myself!  I talk to some people and they base their happiness on outer things.  If my wife comes back to me then I’ll be happy or once I lose the weight then I’ll be happy.  True happiness has to come from within.  That’s a life lesson that I had to learn the hard way.  Every time I would lose weight, I would think that I would automatically just become happy.  I would have moments of happiness but it would never stay long.  I would jump into relationships thinking that that would make me happy.  It never did.  I didn’t love myself.  I used to think that once I found a husband then I would be happy.  I was basing my happiness on another person.  I wasn’t happy with my life or with myself.  About a year and half ago, I was so uncomfortable with my life that I just knew that I couldn’t continue the same way that I had been living.  I had to make a change because I wasn’t happy.  I was renting a townhouse, I had a great job, and I had money in my bank account but I still wasn’t happy.  I started working on myself with the help of my life coach.  I got to know myself and fell in love with me!  I found the happiness in myself!  I found the courage inside of me that was always there.  My job is stressful but I wouldn’t change it for anything.  Every day brings a new challenge and you learn new things every day.  I started this blog to share my story and to help people but it’s done more for myself then I would have thought.  It’s very cathartic to share my story and to actually see where I’ve been and where I am now.  It’s cool to actually be able to see myself grow and change.    I finally found my happiness inside of myself!

 

Ever since I moved to Florida, when I eat my boss power meal some one asks me if I’m on a diet.  They ask me why am I eating raw carrots.  I tell them no, I’m just eating healthy.  They ask me how much weight I’ve lost.  I tell them and then they start to tell me about their mother or sister or cousin who is on a diet and how much weight they’ve lost.  DIETS DON’T WORK!!!  I’ve tried about 6 diets over the past 12 years.  I’ve only been able to keep up with them for at most 6 months.  One diet sent me to the ER and one diet gave me diarrhea.  DIETS ARE NOT PERSONALIZED!!  To make a lifestyle change, you have to find what works for you personally.  What works for your favorite celebrity may not work for you.  How long can you really keep up a cayenne pepper diet?  Since I don’t like to cook, I had to find things that didn’t require me to be in the kitchen cooking.  Most of the things I eat are raw foods.  Some times you need help to find what works for you.  Most women are used to being on a diet I realized.  I know at least 4 women in my life that are on a diet right now.  Every now and then I do indulge but I don’t do it every day.  For me it’s about balance.  I found the foods I love and so I have no problem eating them.  When I was on my diets, I wasn’t eating foods I love.  I was eating those foods because they helped me lose weight quickly.  As soon I got to the weight that I wanted to be at, I would stop eating those foods.  I would start to eat the foods that I loved which were sweets.  I would go back to my comfort foods.  Now I don’t need those comfort foods anymore because I get my comfort from traveling, going on adventures, and sharing my story.  I’m taking care of my spirit now, which is what I really needed all along.  SO I WILL NOT DIET AGAIN!!

I was telling another nurse about some of the things I had done recently, like going para-sailing and a hot air balloon ride.  She asked me if I was dong a bucket list or if I was bored.  I told her no.  I’m just doing things that I’ve always wanted to do but I was always waiting on other people to be available to do them.  I realized that my last vacation was in 2006.  I took off 3 months in 2015 while looking for a travel nurse job but I didn’t go anywhere.  For the past 9 years, I’ve stayed in the Atlanta area.  After becoming a travel nurse, I realized that I have to become comfortable with doing things by myself.  If you wait for other people you will wait and not be doing anything.  The cool part about doing things by yourself is you can choose to do anything.  You don’t have to worry about this person doesn’t like heights or this person doesn’t want to do it.  You can do things on your schedule.  It’s very hard to get people together.  Some people work day shift and some work night shift.  I’m very proud of myself for doing things by myself.  I have so many things that I’m doing right now, I don’t have time to be bored.  When I was by myself, I got to really know myself.  People can call it doing a bucket list but I just say that I’m doing things that I’ve wanted to do.