Alopecian Empress

Alopecia is teaching me a lot about myself.

It’s very hard to look into the mirror and see that your hair is different.  The bald spot is growing back slowly and also getting bigger at the same time.  Thankfully I can still hide it but it is getting harder to do that also.

Alopecia is teaching me that beauty doesn’t come from your hair.  It comes from inside.

Imagine if you woke up one day and you had a bald spot or clumps of hair started to come out.

How would that make you feel?

I know I felt shock at first.  I immediately started to look for answers on how to stop it from happening or a cure.  I quickly learned that there wasn’t one.  No one knows why alopecia happens.  There is also no one treatment that helps.  It is an autoimmune disease.  It has many causes.  The causes include stress, vitamin deficiency, hormones, other autoimmune disease, or diet.  Those are just some of the causes.

For some people, just changing their diet brings their hair back.  Some people just have to take vitamins.  Some people get steroid injections.  Even when the hair grows back, it can fall out again in the future.

Alopecia has taught me acceptance.

I accept what is happening in the current moment.  Yes my hair is growing back slowly and my spot has gotten bigger.

My beauty, identity, and confidence comes from inside.  My soul is where my beauty, identity, and confidence lie.

My beauty is not based solely on my looks.

Alopecia has also given me a new direction in life.

I’ll be speaking at a alopecia beauty event next month.  I wouldn’t be doing that if I didn’t have alopecia.  I wouldn’t be the Alopecian Empress without alopecia.  I have so many opportunities now.

I’m just surprising myself.  I never would have thought that losing my hair could lead to me living my best life.  The Alopecian Empress has arrived.

Alopecia has made me stronger.

 

 

Falling Off

Three months ago, I had noticed that I had gained 15 pounds.  I was determined to lose it and not diet.

I knew the reason that I gained it.  I wasn’t moving my body as much as usual and I wasn’t eating like I normally ate.  When I go to my parent’s house, I eat what they eat.  I usually don’t eat a lot of potatoes, rice, or that many carbs.  Adding those to my diet for 3 months and not exercising a lot added to my weight gain.  It wasn’t anybody’s fault but my own.  I also wasn’t drinking enough water each day.

I also didn’t realize how much I walk when I go to work at the hospital.  On this assignment, I paid attention to how much I walk at work.  I average between 8,000 to 15,000 steps per day when I work a 12 hour shift.  That equals between 5 to 6 miles a day at work.  The last time I worked I got 14,300 steps.  When I took 3 months off, I only hiked twice a week.  My body was used to getting in way more steps than those 2 days of hiking provided.  The mountain I hiked was only 4 miles.  I should have been going up and down the mountain at least 2 times to even get all the steps that I needed to maintain my weight.  I thought at the time that hiking twice a week was going to be enough.

Also I wasn’t about to start denying myself any food that I wanted.  I still have a sweet tooth.  If I crave a piece of cake then I indulge.  If I want a chocolate chip muffin then I indulge.

When I got to my assignment, I just started to eat the way I normally do.  It was way too hot in Florida during the summer to workout outside.  On my days off, I don’t like to wake up early. The only time that it was cool outside was in the early mornings.  Thankfully my landlord had a treadmill.

Despite me not hiking, I still was able to lose 10 pounds.  I haven’t stepped on a scale in 3 months, but I can tell by the way my clothes fit and the way my body looks.  It really just felt like it fell off without me trying anything.  Taking the stairs was something that I started doing at work for the last year.  Eating healthy about ninety percent of the time is something that I’ve been doing for the past 3 years.  I’ve been a nurse for about 15 years now.  I just now realized how many steps I get and that helps me to maintain my weight.  Going 3 months without a job affected my weight.

Thankfully, I’m back on track.  I’m drinking enough water and exercising.

I remember someone in the past telling me that when you gain weight don’t buy any new clothes in a bigger size if you want to lose weight.  I thought about that because my jeans were getting really tight.  They were starting to get really uncomfortable to wear and my muffin top was showing.  I hadn’t had a muffin top in about 3 years.  I was considering buying some new jeans in a bigger size.  Those same jeans are now comfortable to wear and not tight anymore.

It is possible to lose weight and not feel like you are depriving yourself of anything.

I can indulge when I want to and not worry about falling off the deep end.  I also don’t worry about reigniting my eating disorder anymore.  I’ve found a lifestyle that I can maintain. Now I know that I can fall off the wagon and then get right back on and get back on track with my lifestyle.

What is one thing that you can do today to help you to maintain a healthy lifestyle for yourself?

As soon as I got home this week, I weighed myself.  I’ve lost 11 pounds.  The clothes that didn’t fit 3 months ago now fit.  I don’t have to buy a new wardrobe.

I now have a plan for when I’m off of work.  I will hike 3 times a week.  I also have my subscription to daily burn that I can use if it’s too hot to go outside.  I will eat dinner with my parents and not eat a lot of carbs. I will drink 2.5 Liters of water every day.  Doing those small steps will help me to maintain my weight without gaining any weight.

 

Negative Reviews

Over the weekend at work I got some negative reviews from a patient’s family.

I’m not going to lie, it hurt a little bit.  I went home feeling bad.  When I got home, I asked myself a question.

How come when I get a negative review it makes me feel bad?

At the current hospital most of the reviews have been positive.  The manager told me that she had been getting a lot of positive reviews from not only the staff but the patients.

So why am I only focused on the negative reviews that I got over the weekend?

I believe that those positive reviews helped to save my job.  After I failed the telemetry test, the hospital was supposed to cancel my contract but they didn’t.  Out of the 6 travelers at the hospital, only one of us passed the telemetry test.  They kept all of us.  Maybe they needed us really bad but I like to think that those positive reviews helped.

I also thought about a book that I had read.  It is called, “Happiness is a Choice” by Barry Neil Kaufman.  One of the things that stood out for me in this book, is the concept that at any given moment we choose which emotion to feel.  No one can make you angry, sad, hurt, or happy.  You have to choose to be those things.  In any situation, you can choose which emotions to feel.  I was choosing to be sad about the reviews.

When I woke up, my mind wanted to replay the previous day and what I could have done better.  I decided I didn’t want to do that.  It wasn’t helping my mood and I just didn’t want to start my day like that.  I also didn’t get a lot of sleep that night.

I put on some music that always gets me happy.  I decided that I was going to listen to music and sing all day and do some work.  It helped to keep me motivated to work.

I decided that every one is entitled to their opinion but I don’t have to accept whatever label they want to give me because of those opinions.  I know that over the weekend I was doing my best.  To some people that may not be enough but that is their opinion.

I also started to think of all the good reviews that I’ve gotten.  That outweighed the bad reviews over the weekend.  So the next time I get some negative reviews, I’m going to think of the positive reviews that I’ve gotten.  I will use the situation to help me to learn but I will not let it make me choose to be negative towards myself.  In the face of negative reviews, I’m now going to listen but I’m not going to take them personally.  Especially when I know I was doing my best.

I chose to be happy and to let the negativity go.  Listening to music and singing helped me to do just that.  This next song never fails to get me into a happy mood.

What song gets you happy?  Leave a comment and let me know.

I also checked myself.  I had noticed that I was being more judgmental of other people internally lately.  Maybe that patient’s family members were my mirror to show me what I was dong internally to other people.  I decided that I’m going to be more compassionate towards other people and stop being so critical of them.

I’m a Pro so I go Slow

I recently went electric skateboarding with my family.  We had so much fun.  At first they weren’t interested in doing it.

While we were skateboarding my dad stated that I should be a pro and I should be able to make the turns and go fast.

I thought about that for a while and came up with a metaphor.

I’m a pro so I go slow. 

I felt more comfortable going at a slower pace on the skateboard.  I wasn’t trying to race anyone.  I was enjoying myself.  When I go fast on the skateboard, I feel more nervous.  I couldn’t always make the turns on my skateboard, so I would stop and turn the skateboard by hand.  I knew my limits and didn’t try to stretch myself too much.

I could also use that metaphor for so many things in my life.

I’m not in a race with anyone in my life.  I do things at my own pace and when I want to do them.  There is nothing wrong with doing things at your own pace.  It may take you longer than someone else but you will still get to where you want to be.

For example, most of my friends are married or have kids.  I’m still not married and have no kids.  I decided that I’m not going to be in a relationship or have kids until I’m ready for it.  Right now, I’m taking my time.

My dad also asked me where I get my adventurous spirit from.  I didn’t have an answer for that.  I guess I’ve always been adventurous, I’m just now letting it out.  For a long time, I was content with being in the shadows of my life instead of stepping into the light.  I was content with just staying at home on my days off and not doing things by myself.  Now I love to try things.  Don’t get me wrong, I still love to be at home and be by myself.  I still love my alone time.

I’ve just learned that I have to stop comparing myself to other people.  Everything will happen when it’s supposed to happen.  Until it happens, I’ll try to be a pro and go slow.  I’m slowly learning my limits.  I’m learning what is comfortable for me and what is not.

What could you take slow in your life instead of trying to rush?

I also can apply this metaphor to reaching my dreams.  I learn so much from the process of reaching my dreams than when my dreams as actually realized.

The last time I was losing weight, I realized that it was a process.  I had already learned how to lose weight quickly but I never learned how to maintain that weight loss.  This last time, I realized that it was an every day process.  I couldn’t just do a fad diet for months if I wanted to maintain my weight loss.  I had to find a lifestyle that I could do every day.  I had to take it slow and learn to make better choices every day with the food that I put into my body.  I also learned that some dreams take time.  It took me months to lose 50 pounds.  It wasn’t an overnight process.  I went slow and lost the weight.

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Still Learning

Yesterday, I had a awful day at work.  It was so busy I didn’t get to take a lunch break.  I barely drank any water.  By the end of the shift, I felt so tired and drained.

I did learn a new lesson.

Towards the end of my shift, I found myself getting internally mad at the charge nurse.  I was getting mad at her for not helping me out more or asking if I needed any help.  Usually the other charge nurses come around and ask if you need any help throughout the shift.

When I had some time to sit down and chart, I asked myself why I was getting mad.  The answer came to me, I wasn’t mad at the charge nurse.  I was mad at myself for not asking for more help.  I was expecting the charge nurse to know how busy I was without me saying anything.

Have you ever gotten mad at someone for not helping you?  Have you ever gotten mad at the other person for not knowing why you are mad?

What I should have done instead of getting mad was to ask for help.  I usually take my lunch break around 3 pm.  At that time, I should have told the charge nurse to help with my patients so that I can take a break.  I’m sure she would have said yes and I could have eaten.  Maybe I wouldn’t have felt so tired had I eaten something.

One of my patient’s even pointed out that my eyes were watering a lot because I was so tired.  I had to agree with her.

I can’t get mad at someone for not helping if I didn’t ask for help or let them know what I was going through.

I made it through the shift and couldn’t wait to get home and get to sleep.

The next time I get really busy, I’m going to ask for help and take my lunch break.  Yes, I’ll get paid for not taking a lunch break but I would rather have taken it.  That money isn’t worth working 12 hours with no lunch break.

I get home and get ready for bed.  Then I started to get the signals from the Universe that I was about to see a bug.  Every time before I see a bug I get signals.  Or if there is a bug in my room already, I won’t be able to go to sleep.  I was so tired but I just couldn’t fall asleep.  So I started to play on my phone just waiting for the moment.

Around 1 am, it finally happened.  The bug came out of hiding and I was able to kill it and then I was finally able to go to sleep.

While I was tired, I was grateful that I didn’t fall asleep.  I do understand that bugs have the right to live.  I just don’t want them in the house.

The lesson I learned in that moment was that the Universe always takes care of me.  I was able to get a sound sleep after that.

I’m glad that I’m still learning lessons and hopefully I can put them into practice and ask for help.

Asking for help doesn’t mean that you are weak, it means that you are strong enough to recognize that you need help.

Spirit Animals

I was recently watching a video of some orcas or killer whales playing in California.  I had a thought.

Orcas are the apex predator of the ocean.  One reason is that they have relationships and they have each others back.  They teach the younger orcas to hunt.  Some orcas hunt sharks, some hunt stingrays, and some eat fish.  Different orca pods teach their young different skills.

Orcas survive in pods.

I used to think that the great white shark was the top predator in the ocean.  That changed when I saw the movie, A Whale That Ate Jaws.  Before that movie I never knew that orcas ate sharks.  The movie shows a whale watching company that saw a great white shark get attacked and killed by an orca.  The orca rammed the shark and turned it upside down until it stopped breathing.

Great white sharks are solitary animals.  The moms don’t teach the young to hunt.  The baby sharks are independent from birth.  At least this is what the scientists believe, they don’t know too much about the mating habits or birthing habits of the great white shark but they do know that they spend most of their lives alone.

This got me to thinking that humans do better when they are in relationships and not so solitary.  Its ok to be by yourself for a while but not for a long time.

I used to be solitary for a long time.  I remember I would go to work and the grocery store and that was about it for a couple of years.  I would see my friends about every 6 months and my family about twice a month.  Now I am more social. I’m not just focusing on getting a romantic relationship, I have family and friendships that I can be fulfilled in.

The lesson that I learned from this video is that orcas have balance.  They hunt when needed, they play when needed and they sleep when needed.  They don’t work themselves to the bone hunting all the time.

I would have dreams about orcas.  They would teach me so much in those dreams.  That’s why I consider orcas my spirit animals. I’ve always been interested in them since I was a child.  I wanted to be an oceanographer when I was little.  This is an excerpt  from http://www.spirit-animals.com about orcas:

Just this morning I woke up and I looked up the meaning of elephants.  My landlord has a picture of an elephant in my room.

It’s a beautiful picture.  After having a conversation with my best friends last night, the message fit with that conversation. This is an excerpt from http://www.spirit-animals.com:

The message that I got from this is to take care of yourself first before you help others and your “instincts will lead you where you need to go.”  The other message I took from this is the need to “unearth buried memories so that you can release them.”  To me that last sentence can mean to look into your past lives to see lessons that need to be learned.  I agree that a person has to take care of themselves first before helping others.

When I first became a nurse, I wasn’t taking care of myself.  I would get tired from walking up one flight of stairs or doing just one round of compressions on a patient.  I felt like a hypocrite when I was teaching my patients about their diet when I was clearly not eating healthy myself.  I wouldn’t even take my lunch breaks or any bathroom breaks either.  When I started to take care of myself, I became a better nurse.  I now walk up 7 flights of stairs and only get winded when I get to the 5th floor.  I can’t help anyone else if my cup is empty.

The other part about shifting focus I don’t feel like I need to do that part just now.  I feel like I’m looking at the bigger picture already.  I know I always have room to grow and learn.  I will listen to other viewpoints and I won’t ever stop learning.

I believe that nature can teach us lessons.  Nature has balance.  The animals don’t kill all of the animals they eat at one time.  They only eat what they need.  They rest when needed and play when needed.  Every animal you see has a meaning or a message.

What animal do you like?

Maybe that animal has a message for you.

Ode to Alopecia

Alopecia you tried it!

You tried to take my identity, my beauty, and confidence.

You taught me a valuable lesson and for that I’m grateful.

My beauty, identity, and confidence isn’t in my hair.  It’s inside of me.

It’s my soul.  My soul is where my beauty, identity, and confidence is.

Alopecia you can’t ever touch that.

I am grateful that you showed up because I wouldn’t have known that anything was wrong with my body.

I get to define my beauty, my identity, and my confidence.

No one else or a disease can define that.

A.L.O.P.E.C.I.A.

Always been beautiful.

Love myself.

Only I can define my beauty, my identity, and my confidence.

Perfectly imperfect.

Empress.

Confidence is inside not on my head.

I can never lose my worth.

Alopecia can’t beat me.

Shavawn Boyer

 

 

 

Loyalty

Recently a nurse died after she was attacked at work.  The situation saddens me.

Nurses are loyal by nature.  This situation has me thinking that maybe we aren’t being loyal to ourselves.

Some reports of the incident said that the nurse finished her shift and some reports said that she didn’t and she went to the ER.  She sustained a torn ACL and her head was slammed against a desk.  I don’t think with those injuries she could have finished her shift but maybe she felt fine and thought that she could.  The unit may have been understaffed already and she didn’t want to put her fellow nurses in a bind by going to the ER.  This patient attacked multiple nurses.  I know that not all of the nurses could go to the ER at the same time.

I remember when I got my first job as an RN.  I wanted to be a good nurse.  At that time, in my mind, being a good nurse meant that you inconvenienced yourself.

For example, not taking a lunch break, staying 4 hours after the shift when someone called out, not letting management know that I hadn’t taken a lunch break, and going to work even if I was sick.  I probably lost out on hundreds of dollars by not telling management about not taking my lunch breaks.  I learned early on not to tell because I got called into the office and told that I need to work on my time management skills because I wasn’t able to take my lunch breaks.  It was hard being a charge nurse with 6 patients of my own.  When I stayed till eleven o’clock to help out, I still had to drive an hour home.  So I wouldn’t get home until midnight.  Those days were the longest days.  I got up at 4 am and wouldn’t get into the bed until after 12:30 am.  Sometimes I would have to work the next day.  The only thing that saved me those days is that the manager would let me come in at 11 am instead of being there at 7 am so that I could get some sleep.

I learned how to say no when they asked me to stay afterwards all the time.  I would do it sometimes but not all the time.  I was getting so sleepy trying to drive home after a 16 hour shift.  I was also spending a lot of money on hotels when I was too tired to drive home.  I didn’t want to get into an accident by being so sleepy.  I had to learn my limits.  I was in my late twenties but I was starting to feel like I was older than that.  I wasn’t taking any care of myself.

I also had to learn how to say no to my co-workers.  I don’t like to work 3 days in a row.  I never have liked to.  I’ll do it sometimes but I don’t like it.  When my co-workers would ask me to switch a day on my schedule that would put me working 3 days in a row, I would have to say no.  I also love to have 3 days off in a row too when it happens.  I don’t ask for it but I love when the scheduler puts it in my schedule.  It feels like a mini vacation when it happens.  When my co-workers would ask to switch because they saw that I had 3 days off, I would most of the time tell them no.  I learned that I had to stop inconveniencing myself all the time so that they would like me.  I will help when I can but I do have the right to say no, just like they have the right to ask.

I remember one time when I went to work sick.  I was giving a patient their medicine and all of a sudden the room started to spin.  My ears started to ring.  I had to sit down on the small dresser and take some deep breaths.  Eventually the room stopped spinning and my ears stopped ringing.  I had been feeling sick that morning.  I didn’t want to call out because we were already short staffed.  Once I got to work and had that dizzy spell, I was also scared to drive home.  I lived an hour away from my job.  What if a dizzy spell happened while I was driving home?  So I worked my shift.  Thankfully I didn’t have another dizzy spell and I was able to drive home safely but I probably should have stayed home and taken myself to a doctor.

Do you think that nurses are loyal to other people more than they are to themselves?

In my experience when I take care of myself, I’m able to be a better nurse for my patients.  I have to be loyal to myself first before I can be loyal to anyone else.  I can’t give anything when my cup is empty.

Nurses are givers by nature.  We love to take care of our patients and help them but when it comes to ourselves we put ourselves last on the list.

Maybe we can’t change that overnight but maybe we can start by eating a healthy lunch at work or drinking more water.  Your mood and energy level starts with the food that you put in your body.  Its a small step that will have a major impact on you.

Timelines

I recently had someone tell me that I’m almost 40 and I need to put down some roots somewhere.

I’m so glad I have a life coach.  I sent her an email about the situation and she reminded me of something.

I don’t need to live my life how anyone else wants me to live my life.

I did that for about 30 years and it never worked for me.

I feel like society and some people around me have a time line for my life.  At 40, I should be married with kids, living in a nice house, and have a career.

I have found out that you can plan your life in a certain way but life doesn’t always go as you plan it sometimes.

When I was in my early twenties, I didn’t know what I wanted to do in college.  At the time, all I wanted to do was get married and start having kids.  I wanted to be a stay at home mom.  I wanted to be married right out of high school.  I could have cared less about going to college and getting a degree.  I was trying to force relationships with guys that I knew wouldn’t last.  I eventually had to give up on that idea and start thinking about what I wanted to do in my life.  To be honest, if I had of gotten married in college, I would have probably dropped out of college.  The first 2 years of college, I didn’t see the point because I didn’t have a major and didn’t know what I wanted my career to be.  After the third year started and no proposals, I had to decide on a career.

I do know that I wouldn’t be where I am right now if I had of stuck to that plan.

Being a nurse has helped me tremendously in my life.  I am glad that I chose to become a nurse.

Like my life coach says, its ok to have a plan but its also ok to be open to changes.  God/Universe will work things out and sometimes it doesn’t look like what we planned.

For example, last year I wanted to take some time off but I also wanted to extend at the hospital that I was at.  I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to extend because I wanted to take a vacation.  I decided to try anyway.  I asked for a week off after my assignment ended and then I would work for 4 weeks and take another week off after that.  My contract was accepted.  So now that has become my norm.  After I work the first 3 months, I take off a week every four weeks.  That way I can go somewhere for a week or just stay at home.  My mood has improved because I know that I have a vacation coming after working four weeks.  When I started travel nursing, I never imagined that I could take so many vacations.  Some travel nurses work for 6 months and then take 6 months off.  Some take a month off in between every assignment.  I didn’t know that was possible until I became a travel nurse and started talking to other travel nurses.

To some people around me that life style isn’t good enough.  A woman approaching 40 should have a house, she should be on her way to being married with kids, and have a stable career.

Right now I don’t know if I want to settle down somewhere.  I like being a travel nurse because I can take a vacation when ever I want to.  As a permanent staff nurse, I would have to build up enough PTO to take a vacation and I have to have it approved before I purchase anything for a vacation.  I remember at my one of my permanent jobs, administration would tell us not to book anything for a vacation until the time off was approved.  Even if we saw a great price on a plane ticket don’t purchase it because the time off might not be approved.  For example about 6 years ago, a nurse that I knew was planning her wedding, and she had enough PTO saved up to take a month off.  She only wanted 2 weeks off.  The floor was so short staffed that she was only approved for one week off.  The hospital gave her the week off for her honeymoon but not her wedding week.  That nurse ended up having to postpone her wedding.  Some hospitals are so short staffed that they aren’t able to give the nurses the time off that the nurses request.

Have you ever felt like you weren’t meeting your time line or some one else’s time line for your life?

Every thing happens when its supposed to happen.

I needed to take some time off from dating and get to know myself and love myself.  There was nothing wrong with that.

I’ve learned that every one has a different path in life and also a different time line for their life.  Some people get married in their twenties.  Some people get married in their sixties.  Some people have children and some don’t.  Some people become a millionaire and some don’t.  Some people own their own business and some don’t.

Just because a person isn’t where some one else wants them to be in their life doesn’t mean that the person isn’t on the right path for them.

As a woman I do feel pressure from my family and society to be married and have kids.  Especially since I’m in my late thirties.  Some of my patients ask me why I’m not married yet.  Some of them even try to hook me up with their sons or another family member.  Some patients tell me not to settle and that its ok to wait to be married and have kids.  I will get married but in my own time.

Every one has their own dreams and goals in life.  I’m working towards a life that I love and in my own time.

I read this quote recently, “Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.” – Chinese Proverb.

Just one more quote that I love from Steve Jobs.  “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.  Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.  Don’t let the noise of others opinions drown out your own inner voice.  And most importantly have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”

 

Abstinence

I recently went to an overeaters anonymous meeting and to become a speaker a person had to practice abstinence for 90 days.  Abstinence from the food that the overeaters binge on.  While I understand abstinence from the food for a while but to give up your favorite food for the rest of your life would be really hard to do.  Usually the overeaters binge on food that they like.  The binge food is usually filled with a lot of sugar, like cake, doughnuts, and fast food.  My binge was doughnuts and cakes, which are my favorite foods.  I love red velvet cake, glazed doughnuts with chocolate, and pancakes.

For a while, when I was losing weight, I was able to give them up and not eat those foods.  But after losing the weight, I slowly added them back into my life.  I’ve added back muffins and cake.  That choice is one of the reasons that I have gained some weight recently.

I thought about why I eat my favorite foods.  It isn’t just because they taste good to me.  Its the feeling that I get when I eat it.  When I eat pancakes, I remember the times when I was little and my mom would cook pancakes on Saturdays.  I looked forward to that when I was a child because I liked the taste of pancakes.  I even remember when my mom had to work weekends and my dad would cook the pancakes.  They wouldn’t taste the same as my mom’s pancakes even though he used the same pancake batter.  I know I could recall those memories any time that I wanted to but I can get them also when I eat pancakes.

I wonder how many people eat their favorite foods because it helps them to bring back some good memories from childhood or a good time that they had.

Do you eat your favorite food just because you like the taste or is it the memories also?

If you had to give up your favorite food for the rest of your life, would you or could you?

I’ve found that having a balance is better for me than abstinence.  I’ve always liked sweets and that hasn’t changed since I became a vegetarian.  I’ve found some vegan chocolate chips muffins at Whole Foods that I love.  That helps with the sweet tooth at times.  Some times I just want a piece of red velvet cake too.  I have also found that almonds covered in dark chocolate help as well.  I just have to find a balance between eating some of my favorite foods and taking care of myself.

I did abstinence in the past in the wrong way and sent myself to the ER.  I took out carbs and fruits from my diet for about five weeks.  That didn’t turn out well.  You can read what happened in the first post that I wrote on this blog.

I do agree with abstinence from binge eating, that behavior doesn’t work at all.  I do agree with giving up your favorite food for a while.  After the person gains control of their eating habits, that person may find that they don’t like the taste for the food anymore.  Some cakes that I used to love now make my stomach bloat, hurt, and the cake tastes too sweet.  I never would have guessed that I would say that because I used to love really sweet cakes.  Some of the red velvet cakes make my stomach hurt.  My taste buds have changed.  I love to eat vegetables now.

Its ok to have balance.  I’m not going to give up my favorite foods for the rest of my life but I will not let them control me like I allowed in the past.  I will not use them to deal with my feelings like I did in the past.  I have developed healthy coping habits to deal with my feelings and I will continue to show myself love.  I will be kind to myself for gaining some weight and I will lose the weight.  I can’t change the past but I can change the future.

I’ve found I can’t stick to a diet but I have found a lifestyle that I can maintain.  I have gotten off balance lately but I am able to get back into balance.

If you yourself have found yourself falling out of balance or off the wagon as the saying goes.  Its ok.  You can get back into balance and keep going.  Nobody is perfect all the time.  I show my imperfections on this blog to help people see that no body is perfect and has it all together.

I’m imperfect and I’m the perfect Shavawn!!