Lizards

I was recently eating breakfast in the kitchen and I had the TV on.  I looked out the back doors and spotted a lizard on table outside.  It was just crawling around.  It was making me uncomfortable.  Lizards are like snakes with legs to me.

I then did something that I have never done before.

I closed my eyes and imagined that I was speaking to the lizard in my mind.  I told the lizard that it had every right to be there.  It wasn’t doing any thing wrong.  I was just uncomfortable.  I asked the lizard if it could please move and come back in about 10 minutes when I was done eating.  I opened my eyes and the lizard was gone.  I don’t know if my exercise had anything to do with it.

About a week later, while I was talking on the phone, I looked out the window and saw 2 lizards on the neighbor’s house.  They were big and hard to miss.  I then couldn’t look out the window while I was on the phone because I couldn’t stand to see the lizards.  I was becoming uncomfortable looking at them crawl around on the house.  Every time I walked near the window I could see them.

I thought about those 2 situations for a while.

I had a realization that those situations are linked to alopecia.

I think this is why some woman feel like they have to wear a wig, topper, hair fibers, scarves, or head bands.  Alopecia makes the woman diagnosed with it uncomfortable at times and it also makes other people uncomfortable too at times.  I realize that some people may think that a bald woman has cancer.  In the past when I saw a bald women I would assume that she had cancer or that she just wanted to have a bald head.  I had heard of alopecia but I didn’t know how many woman it affected.  As I’ve learned when you assume things you make an ass out of you and me.

A woman has the right to be bald or have thinning hair. She also has the right to tattoo her bald spot or bald head if she chooses.

That can make some people uncomfortable.

I realize that it is not my job to be in charge of other people’s emotions. 

I am only in charge of my emotions.  I can think of a number of reasons that other people might be uncomfortable with me.  One reason can be that I’m a woman and another could be the color of my skin.

I can’t go through life afraid to be who I am because someone else might be uncomfortable with me. 

If a woman chooses to not hide her alopecia then she has the right to do it.  And the next time I see a lizard I will try to not be uncomfortable.  Every animal has a message if the person is willing to learn.

Lizard

The message that I took away from this is to focus on my dreams.  Which in all honesty I haven’t been doing lately.

While I was talking to my life coach on the phone, a deer appeared in her yard.  I see deer a lot when I’m hiking.

Deer

The message I took from this is to be gentle with my self.  I can start to focus on my dreams and not beat myself up about slacking off recently.

So the next time you see something that makes you uncomfortable, ask yourself why is it making you uncomfortable?  Does the situation have a lesson to teach you?  Is the situation asking you to take some kind of action?

In the end, I’m going to continue to be myself and not hide that.  I have the right to show or not to show my bald spot.  I get to make that choice.  Any woman with alopecia gets to make that choice all on her own.  It is not their responsibility to be in charge of other’s emotions.

Alopecians have the right to do what they choose to do, just like the lizard has the right to be outside and do what lizards do.

Gut Instinct

Recently I had some incidents where I didn’t listen to my gut instinct or my intuition.

I was talking to a guy on a dating app.  My initial gut instinct told me that this guy wasn’t right for me.  Some of the questions that he asked me raised some flags for me.  The one question that worried me was that he had asked me if I had a flat stomach.  I told him yes but that raised an internal flag for me.

Yes everybody has a type of person that they like to date.  Even I have a type of man that I like to date.  Physically this man was my type.

The flag that was raised inside of me, said that if he was concerned about me having a flat stomach, he might be concerned about me having alopecia.  I overrode my intuition and continued to talk to the guy.  My intuition was telling me to stop talking to this guy.

On the day that we were supposed to meet up for our first date, I was excited.  We still hadn’t confirmed a time.  I texted and called him and I got nothing.  I ended up erasing his number and he had unmatched with me on the dating app.  I don’t know why he ghosted me but if I had of listened to my intuition maybe I wouldn’t be in that situation.

Another recent incident where I didn’t listen, cost me some sleep.

I had just gotten home from work and parked the car in the driveway.  I travel with bug spray in my car every since i found a big spider in my car.  My intuition told me to take the buy spray into the house.  I thought to myself that I would do it tomorrow.  My room had just been cleaned that day while I was at work.

I get to my room and turn on the light and what do I see on the window but a spider.  I internally kicked myself and knew why my intuition had told me to bring in the bug spray.  I lean down to take my shoe off to kill the spider and I look up and I don’t see the spider anymore.  I examine the window and found it but I couldn’t hit it with my shoe where it had crawled to.  I go back to get the bug spray from my car.  I sprayed the window but I didn’t see the spider.  I had to go to work the next day, so I couldn’t stay up and look for the spider.  I tried to sleep but it was hard to not knowing if the spider was still in the room or if it had gotten outside.

I know that if I had of brought the bug spray inside when I first came into my room, I would have been able to spray the spider and kill it.  Then I would have been able to sleep knowing that there was no spider in my room.

There was one recent incident where I did listen to my intuition.

I had a logo made by a woman that I found on Fiverr.  She gave me four options.  Two of them I really loved.  Between those two, one of them really stood out to me.  I had told her that I wanted a crown in my logo.  The logo with the crown was the one that I really liked from the start.

I showed them to my two best friends.  I didn’t ask them for an opinion, I was just showing them the pictures because I was really excited.  One of them said that she liked the one that I hadn’t chose to use.  She said the logo with the crown wasn’t business like and reminded her of a Disney princess.  She did acknowledge that I hadn’t asked for her opinion.  While I did listen to her opinion, I decided that at the end of the day I had to love my logo.  I chose the logo with the crown.  Being the Alopecian Empress in my book, requires a crown.

I love my logo!

What situation have you been in lately that you heard your intuition speak to you?  Did you listen or did you not listen?

I’m still learning to listen.