My alopecia is getting worse. The bald spot is getting bigger. I used to be able to hide it even when I put my hair in a ponytail. Not anymore. If a person were to look closely then they would be able to see the bald spot with my hair in a ponytail. When I wear my hair down the bald spot doesn’t show.
This is bothering me because I might have to start telling people about my alopecia.
I thought about hiding it with a wig, weave, scarf, or a headband. At work, I wear my hair in a ponytail and I would be comfortable wearing a headband to cover the bald spot. I haven’t ever worn a wig or a weave. I don’t want to go that route. I did a little research into wigs and the ones that looked more realistic were more expensive. I even looked into putting makeup on the bald spot. I don’t wear makeup anymore. Then I asked myself a question.
Do I really want to hide what I’m going through or do I want to be myself?
I’ve been hiding myself for over 30 years. I’ve just recently started to love the woman that I have become.
I’m not saying that the woman who have alopecia and choose to wear wigs, weaves, scarves, or headbands are hiding themselves. Every one doesn’t need to know every thing about you. I don’t want my co-workers knowing about my alopecia.
I’m saying that for myself it would feel like I’m hiding a part of myself if I wore a wig or a weave. I would feel uncomfortable going out in public with a weave or a wig. I’ve never worn one and I wouldn’t know how to. I’m finding that I just don’t want to go that route.
My life coach also told me that maybe this alopecia is enabling me to be a more authentic me. Having this will weed out the guys that are only superficial.
I was thinking of having a photo shoot done and have a few pictures showing the bald spot. I was going to use one of those on my dating profile. It wouldn’t be the first profile picture but it would be in there. That way the guy would know beforehand and would be able to choose whether he could handle it or not. If they can’t handle it then we wouldn’t waste each other’s times.
The Mona Lisa painting doesn’t get any less beautiful or any less valuable because someone doesn’t think that its not beautiful or valuable. I say that to say that just because I’m losing some hair doesn’t make me any less beautiful or valuable. That is what I told myself before I put up my dating profile on a dating app.
I did go out on a date and I had so much fun. I have really changed. I didn’t even recognize myself. The conversation flowed naturally. I actually went hiking and it was raining. I was a bit nervous because I did have to put my hair in a ponytail. I didn’t know if the bald spot was showing or not but I just kept talking and having fun. Usually when I like a guy, I’m very shy and don’t talk much. The reason I wouldn’t talk much is because I was scared that he wouldn’t like me or find me too weird. This is a different Shavawn that I’m seeing. I’m not afraid to show the real me anymore. If a guy likes it then great and if he doesn’t then that is still great also.
I can’t let the alopecia stop me from doing what I want to do. I want to find love and I’m going to find it.
Are you allowing something to stop you from doing what you want to do?
Maybe if you do what you have been scared to do, you might end up having some fun or discovering that you are good at it.