Magic happens when I get quiet and think about my life. I just had a thought. One of the reasons that I had an eating disorder is because I wanted to be full so that I would not have to feel the emotions that I was feeling at that time. I didn’t want to feel sad, depressed, alone, or disappointed. I was disappointed because my life wasn’t where I wanted it to be at that time. I was sad because my health wasn’t good. I was obese and on my way to cardiac disease. I felt alone and I was depressed. So I turned to food to feel that void. It never worked because I couldn’t eat every minute of the day. The feelings would eventually creep back in when I was finished binging on the food. I had all these dreams and I didn’t know how to make them reality. I knew I needed to change. I thought that just losing weight would help but in my soul I knew I needed more. I needed a lifestyle change. I reached out for help and now my dreams are my reality. I’ve learned to listen to myself and God. When I sit and get quiet, I can get answers to my questions. When I get quiet, I can get centered with God. I get inspiration for blog posts through getting quiet at times. Some blog posts are inspiration from conversations that I have. I’m in the process of creating a tribe for myself. A tribe that will inspire me and motivate you. I realize that I need people around me who are motivating and inspiring. I don’t need anybody in my life who makes me feel bad about myself. I don’t wear makeup and I probably won’t. If I have to wear makeup to go out with you then I will not have you in my life. I love to talk about my dreams, past lives, third eyes, and other people’s dreams. To some people that is weird but that is just me. When I’m stressed and not taking care of myself then my magic is lost. I’ve learned to slow down and not to worry. Now things are coming together so easily now. When I first moved to Hawaii, I didn’t like the apartment that I had originally chose. It wasn’t near the water and it didn’t have air conditioning. So I broke the lease and stayed in the hotel. The old Shavawn would have just stayed in the hot apartment for 5 months. The new Shavawn knew that that wasn’t the place that I was supposed to be. The hotel upgraded me to an ocean view room with a big discount. I loved the view. The apartment that I eventually got was destined for me. I had passed this complex while going to zip line and I told myself that I was going to live in that complex. I didn’t know anything about this complex. The complex has a library, pool, gym and maid services. The signs were all there. The number of the apartment has a meaning to my future husband and even the parking space number has a meaning to my future husband and I. I even got the apartment cheaper than advertised. When I leave things up to God, magic always happens. I’ve always been a loner and it works for me now. I don’t see it as a bad thing. I have very few friends and I’m ok with that. My friends are the best. So if I call a person a friend then they are special to me. I’ve learned to use my magic to manifest what I want and what I need. If you don’t believe me then just watch. My future is amazing and I can’t wait to show what I’ve been working on to the world. “I’ve got the magic in me” -B.O.B.
I’ve recently had some people ask me why do I have a life coach? How much does it cost? Why do you need someone to tell you how to eat? I found out a lot of people have a misunderstanding of what a life coach does. A year and a half ago I was stuck. I wanted to lose weight but I didn’t want to go back to my old habits. I wanted to get away from the eating disorder that I had. I knew a lot of fade diets but I still hadn’t found a lifestyle that I could maintain. So I found my life coach, Karlee Fain. I think we only spent the first two phone calls talking about food and what to eat. She helped me get to the root of why I was choosing the foods that I was choosing. She didn’t tell me to give up my doughnuts when we started. She helped me come to the conclusion that doughnuts weren’t going to get me to my goals. I couldn’t do the things that I’m doing now if I was tired all the time from eating junk. She recently reminded me that I had once called the taste of a grape, a squishy apple. LOL!! At the time an apple was the only fruit that I liked. She has helped me turn my thinking around. If I wouldn’t say negative things to my patients then why would I say them to myself in my head. She helped me turn my negative self talk into positive thinking. I still do a lot of the exercises that she taught me. I write in my journal nearly every day now. I watch what I eat because I don’t want to feel negative or have my stomach hurting. What you eat affects your mood. I think that every one could benefit from having a life coach. I wouldn’t be writing this blog if it wasn’t for her. It was her idea. I haven’t regretted listening to her guidance. It may have taken me years to get to the root of some of my issues. Investing in my life coach is also an investment in myself. I am very grateful for her choosing me as a client. I remember praying when we had our first call that she would choose me as a client. She has introduced me to a whole new life that I never knew was possible for me. To me life coaching is necessary.
How important are looks? I recently asked myself this question and I had a conversation with my health coach about the looks of my future husband. I know for a fact if God had not showed me my future husband, I would not have given him a chance. The type of man that I liked were tall, skinny but muscular, a little tattoos, light skinned pretty men. That was the type of man I liked and I wasn’t going to date outside of my type. I probably missed out on a lot of great guys because of that. I started to think about my future husband and his looks. He is skinny but muscular and he has tattoos. He is only 2 inches taller than me but that is ok. In all the dreams that I’ve had about him, he is treating me great. We have so many deep conversations in the future that I cannot wait to have. I share my dreams with him, which I have not been able to do with any of my exes. He helps me with my dreams. Why should I care if he isn’t my type? I really can’t see myself being with another man. He is starting to become the most beautiful man to me. Why should or do I care if other woman think he isn’t attractive or only want him for his money? I used to care if my boyfriend was attractive to other women. That would tell the other women that I was good enough to get my boyfriend. Now I don’t care if any woman thinks my future husband is attractive. Right now I don’t care if anybody thinks that I am attractive. I love the way I look and that is all the matters. In my past life with my future husband, he was very tall, muscular, and very attractive. All the other women wanted him but he only had eyes for me. One women plotted against me and had me set up to be raped so that my husband would leave me. She thought that would work. It didn’t work. It only brought me and my husband closer. I put too much meaning into looks. Looks will fade. I don’t look the same as I did when I was eighteen. Looks are the first thing you see about a person but looks won’t keep you in a relationship with a person. The other person has to have something else. My future husband has a great personality and mind. I am overjoyed that God chose me to spend this life with him. I am patiently waiting on the day that I can finally meet my future husband and start the life that I have been dreaming about.
Recently I worked 4 day straight. I haven’t worked 4 days straight as a nurse ever. Now I know why. I was mentally and physically exhausted by the end of the 4th day. I was getting irritated with one of my patients until the patient reminded me of my gift. The patient was having panic attacks but the patient only wanted me to help him. The patient stated that every thing was better when I was there. The patient said that I had a calming spirit. I have heard that from many of my patients and even from my nursing instructors during nursing school. When the patient said that, I slowed down and thought about what the patient said. Was I denying the patient my God given gift? I had given the patient all the medications that were ordered for him. I had called the doctor multiple times but nothing the doctor ordered worked. I had another thought, if my mom had asked a nurse to stay with her when she was having a panic attack would I want her nurse to stay or leave her. The day before I had pulled my computer into the room and charted while the patient was having a panic attack. That seemed to calm the patient down. When I wasn’t able to sit with the patient, the patient pushed the call bell every 5 minutes and asked for me. So I pulled my computer into the patient’s room and sat down and charted. Yes I only had 45 minutes left in my shift of the fourth day and I was getting an admission which would be my seventh patient. I had to take the time. The patient reminded me of my gift. I can’t deny sharing my God given gift with God’s children. God gave me the gift so that I could share it not hide it or only share it when I feel like it. Sometimes the nurse teaches the patient and sometimes the patient teaches the nurse. I just needed a reminder to share my gift.
I’m currently sitting on my hotel balcony in Hawaii!! The sun is shining and the mountain looks gorgeous in the distance. The ocean is beautiful and I love hearing the waves crashing on the rocks. I love seeing the sailboats and the kayakers going by in the bay. I still have a problem. I still don’t have an apartment to stay in yet. I would love to stay in this hotel but its too expensive. Talking to my life coach yesterday, she stated that there is a myth that when you start to live your dream life that there won’t be problems and every thing will come easy. I’m here to tell you that that is just a myth. I’m in paradise worried about where I’m going to live and I still need to buy a car. I have 2 options of apartments to choose from. I just hope I can get the apartment that I want. My life coach also helped me to realize that I’m in Hawaii and I have 2 apartment options. While it is a problem, it is a good problem to have. I haven’t quit yet either. I have thought about just going back home and getting a job in Florida. But I did sign a contract and I don’t want to be a quitter just because times are rough right now. Times like this let you know what you are made of. It is hard to have fun when your home life is stressful. The hotel is giving me a really good discount but I don’t want to work just to pay my rent. I want to be able to have adventures. There is so much to do in Hawaii. So I’m going to just go with the flow. I’m going to stop worrying and let God take the wheel. I will still be happy if I have to stay in the hotel or if I get an apartment. The views from the hotel are lovely. I’m in love with the view and I will probably be sad when I have to leave the hotel. My parents are coming to Hawaii and I really would like them to see this view in person. Pictures just can’t capture the beauty of the water sparkling from the sun. God has always taken care of me and he won’t stop. I’m living the life that I was dreaming about a year ago. I take comfort in that. Anybody who knows me knows that I love a routine and a comfort zone. I now know that nothing good happens in a comfort zone and I can make a plan but God has the right to throw a wrench into my plans. I’m leaning into joy and contentment and living the life of my dreams!! When living the travel nurse life, things don’t always go as planned. Every three months when my contract is up I can either stay at the hospital or I can go to a new location. I have to be ok with change with this new life. I’m learning to be ok with change. I’ve already met about 5 people from Georgia here. One nurse is even from Marietta, GA.
I once worked at a hospital where I had 8 patients. Some of the other nurses refused to take more than 7 patients and that was how me and another nurse ended up with 8 patients. One nurse had called out. As a nurse, I knew that that day I was going to be very busy. One of my patient’s that day asked me how many patients I had. I guess the patient could see how busy I was. I couldn’t answer that patient because the manager of the floor had told me not to tell the patients that we were short staffed. The manager said that it was not the patient’s business that we were short staffed. I had another patient ask me why it was taking me so long to get to their room. The patient had just wanted to ask me a question but another patient had wanted pain medication so I had to go to the other patient’s room first. It did take me about 20 minutes to get to the first patient’s room. I wanted to tell the patient that I had 7 other patients but I didn’t. I disagreed with that. I feel like most patients would be more understanding if they knew that the hospital was short staffed. I feel like the hospital scores wouldn’t be so low if we let the patients know. If I knew that my nurse had 7 other patients then I would be more understanding if it did take the nurse longer to get to my request. I don’t believe in always telling the patient when the hospital is short staffed but if the patient asks then I believe the patient has the right to know. Even if a nurse calls out, I still have to help the CNA. I still have to help turn the 300 pound patient, take a patient to the bathroom, or clean up an incontinent patient. Sometimes it can take 10 to 15 minutes to do a dressing change depending on how big the wound is. The staff as a whole has to come together and help each other out when the hospital is short staffed. I just feel like if I want my patient to be honest with me then I need to be honest with the patient. For example, I want the patient to tell me if they use illegal drugs or abuse alcohol. That could effect the plan of the patient’s treatment. Some patient’s don’t tell the truth because they feel like they are going to be judged. Most hospitals are short staffed. There is a nursing shortage going on. To be honest I don’t see myself doing bedside nursing for the rest of my life. Furthermore adding to the nursing shortage. The Unites States needs more nursing schools and more nursing teachers. Nursing schools need more funding. The country is going to suffer if the nursing shortage gets worse. But what do I know, I’m just a nurse on the front lines. I say that staffing is a patient issue if the patient asks.