I just got home from working on a cruise ship since October.
I had a great time up until the end.
I met a great guy and thought it could turn into something real but it didn’t work out that way. I let myself get caught up in what was happening.
I was trying to not let myself hope for a future and just enjoy the moment. I realized that I had already begun to hope without realizing it. I had got my feelings involved.
I learned some lessons through this heartbreak.
The first lesson I learned is to tell the person early on what I’m looking for. That way I don’t waste my time on a guy that doesn’t want what I want.
I’m looking for a long-term relationship and if I had of spoken up in the beginning then maybe I wouldn’t have started to really like the guy and hope for a future with him. He was a great guy, and we had a lot in common. But his job takes him away a lot and it would be hard to see him even if we had tried to make it work.
The advice that I had received about this idea of saying what you want too early in a relationship can make the guy uncomfortable. I had always wanted to tell the guy around the third date what I was looking for. Some people have told me that that is too early. I feel like that could weed out the people that are just looking for a fling or a short-term relationship. I also wouldn’t get my feelings hurt if the guy chose to leave.
I realized that I had unconsciously been following the advice that I had been given. I remember one friend telling me that you want to get to know the guy first before even deciding if he is worth having in your life. At the time, this advice made sense to me. Now it doesn’t. By the time that I figure that out, I may already have feelings for the guy and then I may want a certain outcome to happen.
If I had taken my own advice, then I might not be in the situation that I’m in now. Liking a guy and him not wanting to do a long-distance relationship. I would have known what he was looking for and not continued to see him and catch some feelings.
I’ve learned that what works for other people may not work for me. Other people may not discuss early in the dating game what they are looking for but that doesn’t work for me. I want to know what the other person wants and if we want the same things. That way I can make an informed decision about what to do or not do.
Speaking up for what I want and speaking my boundaries will work for me.
Some dating advice that I have gotten is to date multiple people at the same time. That way you have options and you get to chose which one is the best for you.
I’ve never been the person to do that. I like to date one guy at a time. I don’t like to date multiple guys at the same time. That may work for some people but not me.
I did have a lot of admirers on the ship. I wouldn’t feel good if I had started to try to date all of them at the same time. It would have caused a lot of drama. Even just dating one person caused some drama.
There are many approaches to dating that work for some and don’t work for others.
I just have to find my own way that works for me and listen to my own voice.
I also learned what kind of man I want in my life from this situation. I want a man that is honest about his feelings and respects me. Looking back at this guy he didn’t respect me. I did allow the disrespect so I can’t even be mad at him. I didn’t tell the guy what I was feeling.
Now looking back at the whole situation, I can say that we wouldn’t have worked out in the long run. So, I just have to get over my feelings and move on.
Hopefully I will apply these lessons to the next relationship that I have because I don’t like to be sad or heartbroken.