Tattoo

I recently got a new tattoo.  I didn’t expect to learn a life lesson while getting it but I did.

I had been looking for an orca tattoo for about 2 years.  I couldn’t find one that I liked.  I searched orca pictures and other people’s tattoos.  So I just stop looking.  I still wanted one.

When I went up to the San Juan Islands to whale watch last month, I had some time on my hands before the sea plane got back to the island.  I had just seen some killer whales on the whale watch tour.  I decided to go shopping.  In a little shop near the harbor, I came across a shirt.  I loved the design of the killer whale and it had, wild soul, written above the killer whale.  I immediately knew that that was the design that I had been looking for.  I knew that that was my tattoo.  I bought the shirt and then started to look for a tattoo shop that I wanted to have it done at.  There were so many tattoo shops in LA.  I didn’t know which one to choose.

I had wanted to get my tattoo done in Hawaii when I was in Hawaii two years ago.  I had liked the designs that I saw the tattoo artists doing in Hawaii.  I didn’t have a design that I liked at the time.  After my trip to the San Juan Islands, I was planning a trip to Maui.  I decided to get a tattoo in Maui.  I started to do some research on the tattoo shops on Maui.  I found one that I liked and booked an appointment.  I sent the tattoo artist a picture of the shirt that I had bought.

On my last full day in Maui, I went to the tattoo shop.  I was nervous but excited too.

When I got to the shop the artist said that he wanted to change the tattoo.  It would have the basic design that I sent him but with a few changes.  He wanted to switch the direction of the killer whale.  I agreed to that.  He also wanted to put some Polynesian style into it.  He wanted to put a turtle and a stingray inside of the killer whale.  I was so shocked that he would choose the turtle because turtles have a special meaning to me from my past life.  I agreed to the changes because he was making my tattoo idea even better.  He had said that he didn’t want me to have a tattoo design that anybody else had.  I looked up the meaning of turtles and stingrays while he finished the design.  These are the websites that I used:

https://www.spirit-animals.com/turtle/

https://www.spirit-animals.com/stingray/

The thing that stood out to me on the stingray website was the quote, “Have faith in your abilities and follow your inner guidance.”  That is something that I struggle with.

The thing that stood out to me on the turtle website was the quote, “Pay attention to details in your current project and take your time with it.  Don’t be tempted to skip steps or take short cuts.”  This is another thing that I struggle with.

When the design for the tattoo was done, he showed it to me and I said I loved it.  He had completely changed the killer whale.  He then asked me if I wanted some color on the words of the tattoo.  I told him that I hadn’t considered it.  I asked him what colors did he recommend.  He told me turquoise so that way it would go with the whole killer whale in the ocean theme.  I told him lets do it.  He was the tattoo artist so I trusted him.  I was a little worried because I didn’t know how the finished tattoo was going to look.

After he finished the killer whale, he comes up with another idea.  He wanted to have the words slanted and he wanted to change the colors.  He wanted to do three different colors.  He even told me sorry that he was throwing so many ideas at me.  I told him that he didn’t have to apologize.  He was making a unique tattoo for me.  For some reason I trusted him.  I agreed to the new changes and I’m so glad that I did.  The tattoo came out even better than I could have imagined.  I had envisioned a simple black tattoo just like the design of the shirt.

The lesson that I learned from this experience is to trust in God/Universe.  Sometimes what I envision for my life isn’t as beautiful as God’s plan.  Trust in the plan and my intuition.  God/Universe has always taken care of me.

I had seen myself in my dreams as a travel nurse, but I never saw all the adventures that I was going to have.

At times, it was very uncomfortable getting the tattoo.  Getting the letters was more painful than the killer whale.  I meditated and did some breathing exercises to keep my mind off the pain.

If I had just said no to the tattoo artist’s vision then I would have a simple tattoo that looked just like the shirt’s design.  There was nothing wrong with the original design but it doesn’t compare to the tattoo that I ended up getting.

Another lesson that I learned is everything comes when its the right time.  God/Universe will send what you need at the right time that you need it and not a minute sooner or a minute later.

I was getting frustrated at times when I couldn’t find a design that I liked for the tattoo.  For a while I just gave up looking for a tattoo design.  When the time was right, the design came to me.  I wasn’t even looking for a design when I saw the shirt.

If I had not chosen to take the sea plane to the island, then I wouldn’t have been able to go shopping after the whale watching tour.  I would have had to get on the ferry back to Seattle after the whale watching tour.  With the sea plane option, I had 3 hours after the whale watching tour to spend on the island until the sea plane got back.  That gave me the chance to see the shirt with the design on it.

Following is the picture of the original shirt design and then the tattoo.

Reminder

I got a reminder this week.

My life coach was telling me that she used a part of my story in her workshop.  She told me that she told the group of women about the times that I would go to the grocery store and buy the doughnuts and buy fruits and vegetables too.  I would end up throwing all the fruits and vegetables away because I didn’t eat them.  Sometimes I would put the fruits and vegetables in the garbage right away and sometimes I would put them in the refrigerator to be thrown away later.

I bought them because I didn’t want anyone to think that I was just buying doughnuts, cakes, and lunchables to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  I remember a cashier stating that she didn’t understand why I was buying doughnuts when I had all the other healthy foods.  I felt like I had to say something.  I lied to her and said that the doughnuts were for work.

I would only buy 2 boxes of doughnuts at a time.  That means that I would have to go to the grocery story about 2 or 3 times a week.  Those 2 boxes usually lasted about a day or two.  I would have at least 3 grocery stores that I would go to.  I kept a mental note of the grocery store that I last went to so that way I wouldn’t be going to the same grocery store more than once a week.  Sometimes I would forget and have to drive past that particular grocery store and drive to another one that was close by because I had already been to that one that week.  I didn’t want to be judged by any one for buying so many doughnuts and cakes.

Thinking back on that time, it makes me feel exhausted to think of some of the things that I put myself through.

When self check out came around, that became my best friend.  Doing self check out meant that the cashier couldn’t comment on me buying so many doughnuts.  I also didn’t have to buy so many fruits and vegetables.  I did feel bad for throwing those things away.  I could have fed so many people with the food that I threw away.

Now when I go to the grocery store, I only buy what I’m going to eat.  If I happen to want some muffins or cookies then I get them.  I don’t feel any shame or judgment any more.  I know that I am taking care of myself.  I don’t deny myself my cravings.

I’m also not afraid to tell my story now.  I’m finding that my story can inspire other people.  If I can change my life then so can any one else.

I went from staying home most of the time to traveling the US, jumping out of airplanes, and doing so many things by myself.  I never in a million years imagined that my life could be so good.  Its good that I got a reminder of where I started.  It showed me how far I’m come from that woman that I was just 3 years ago.

 

Bad Reviews

Someone recently commented on a recent post of mine that got me thinking about bad reviews.

I had just posted that I took the train from LA to Seattle.  I had a great experience.  Someone posted that she loved the train until she had a bad experience with an verbally and physically abusive train conductor.  While I don’t negate her experience, I wondered what happened.

I’ve noticed that when people leave a bad review, they rarely tell how they really handled the situation.

When I was taking the train last month, a situation happened.  I was in business class and the seats at the back of the train were unoccupied.  I was sitting in the middle of the train car.  No one was sitting beside me.  The train made a stop and a women got on the train.  She went to the unoccupied seats in the back.  A woman that worked on the train told her that she couldn’t seat there because those seats were reserved for the crew members.  The seats weren’t marked.  The woman wanted a window seat and moved the belongings of another person that had gone to the bathroom who was sitting in the seats behind me.  When the woman got back to her seat from the bathroom, she told the woman that she wanted her seat back because she originally had her belongings in the seat first.  The woman told her that there were no assigned seats on the train, with an attitude.  The train conductor came by and asked what was going on.  The woman that had moved the belongings of the other woman got very loud.  The conductor didn’t raise his voice and neither did the other woman whose belongings had been moved.   The woman whose belongings had been moved just moved to another seat but she didn’t have a window seat anymore.

When every thing had calmed down, the woman behind me started calling some one on her cell phone and having a loud conversation.  I tried to tune her out but she was so loud.  She was telling the other person that she was going to complain and get her money refunded.  She told the person on the phone how the conductor had been very rude to her.  She called another person and told the same story.

Not one time during those conversations did she tell those people that she had moved someone else’s belongings and that she was the only one to raise her voice and get loud.

My opinion of the situation was that the woman who moved the belongings was the one being rude and loud.  I do agree that the crew members should have had a sign up to block off the seats in the back.  Two wrongs don’t make a right. Just because those seats weren’t marked doesn’t mean that she had to move someone else’s belongings.  The next time that I took the train there was a sign placed on those seats marking them for crew member use only.

I liked the fact that the train conductor and the woman whose belongings had been moved didn’t get loud and rude with the woman.

Just because someone is mean or rude, doesn’t mean that you have to treat them like they are treating you. 

Now when I see bad reviews of a restaurant, hotel, or anything else, I take that bad review with a grain of salt.  That bad review was that person’s experience.  That doesn’t mean that I am going to have a bad experience.  Even if I do have a bad experience, I keep it to myself.  I don’t want my experience to influence some one else from not doing something.  The one time that I did leave a bad review, that negative energy came back to me really quickly.

The two times that I took the train, I had a great experience.  I loved the views and the crew members were nice to me.  Following are my most favorite pictures from my train rides.

 

Depressed in Maui

I recently had a conversation that solidified my decision not to take an assignment in Maui, Hawaii.

I’ve been wanting a travel assignment in Maui ever since I learned of travel nursing almost 13 years ago.  A position in Maui doesn’t open up very often.

About 2 months ago, a position opened up and I wanted to take it.  The problem with the position was it was a rotation shift.  Which means that one week, I would work day shift and the next week, I would work night shift.  I like working day shift.  I’ve worked a few night shifts in my work as a nurse.  Every time that I worked night shift, I had a hard time sleeping afterwards.  I would only sleep for about 2 hours and not be able to get to sleep until night time.

I was excited and nervous to take this position.  More nervous because I didn’t want to work night shift.  Switching up my sleeping habits every week wasn’t appealing at all.

I talked with my life coach and she helped me to make a decision.  I’m at my best when I get good sleep, eat right, and exercise.  I wouldn’t be at my best having to change my sleeping habits every week.  So I decided not to apply to the position in Maui.

A few weeks ago, I was having a talk with another travel nurse.  She was telling me that she had taken a position in Maui.  It was a rotating shift.  She was used to working day shift.  She took the position because she wanted to go to Maui.  She told me that she had a very hard time adjusting to working day shift one week and night shift the next week.  She wasn’t able to go and do the things that she wanted to do.  She wasn’t able to get enough sleep.  She said that she became depressed.  She said that she couldn’t believe that she was in Maui but she was depressed.  She stated that she would no longer take any rotating travel assignments.

After that conversation, I learned a lesson.

Sometimes you have to say no to some thing that you want in order to not hurt yourself.

If I had taken that travel assignment, I would have been hurting myself.  Yes the assignment would have only been 13 weeks but would I have enjoyed myself if I was miserable from lack of sleep.

Now I’m choosing to wait for an assignment that works for me.  I’m going to wait for a day shift assignment that will allow me not to mess with my sleeping habits, eating habits, and exercise habits.  It was a hard decision to make at the time because I really wanted to go to Maui.  The right travel assignment will come when the time is right.

Leisure Time

I recently had a conversation with some one that got me thinking.

This woman was trying to convince me that going back to school would be the right thing to do.  She told me that she went to school full time, had 4 kids, and a boyfriend.  She said that she did have to give up her leisure time.  She told me that if she did school then I could get through school as well.  I applaud her for doing all that while going to school.

Without her knowing it, she actually validated my decision not to go to school right now.

The thing that she said that got me thinking was that she had to give up her leisure time.

I looked up the meaning of leisure.  Dictionary.com says that leisure is defined as, “freedom from the demands of work or duty, when one can rest and enjoy hobbies or sports”.  Reading that definition, it seems to me that leisure time is more important than some people think.

As a nurse, my days away from work are just as important as the days that I work.  When I’m at work, I take care of my patients.  When I’m not at work, I’m taking care of me.

In the conversation, she told me that going to school I may just have to give up going to the movies once a week.  I thought to myself, what if going to the movies once a week makes a person feel good and relaxed.  If someone told me that I had to give up whale watching once a week to go to school.  I would say no to going to school.

Whale watching relaxes me.  I get excited to see whales and dolphins.  I do that once a week because I love it.  Being around water helps me to meditate and feel relaxed.  Whale watching is one of my ways of practicing self care.  Some people call it leisure time but it can be interchangeable with self care time.

I recently took a trip up to Monterey Bay and saw killer whales.  I just wanted to see killer whales in the wild.  I had so much fun.  I even extended my trip to see them.  I took a week off in between my current travel assignment.  I went up to Monterey Bay by train on Wednesday.  I went whale watching on Thursday and Friday.  I saw a lot of humpback whales.  On Friday, I decided to extend my trip.  I really wanted to see some killer whales.  On Saturday, I saw a lot of killer whales.

Another thing that she said that made me think was, “people make time for what they want to make time for.”

I agree a little bit with her statement.  People do make time for the things that they want to but life does happen.

For example, a couple of years ago, when I was working in retail at Goody’s.  I remember this mom came in with her son.  The son was about 6 or 7 years old.  The mother got a call and she let out a little scream.  She then yells into the phone, “What hospital is he at?”.  She grabs the little boy by the arm and runs to her car.  I could only think that her life just changed that day.  Some one that she loves is in the hospital and it didn’t look like she had planned that.  She came into Goody’s to shop and she ended up not buying anything that day.

I make plans and sometimes I don’t follow through with them.  I recently wanted to go to a waffle and beer festival in LA.  I made plans but on the day of the festival, I didn’t feel like going.  That day I just felt like relaxing at home and that is what I did.  I love waffles and pancakes.  I was looking forward to the different kinds of waffles that they were going to be selling.  The day before I had had a very hard day at work and I just wanted to relax because I was emotionally and physically tired from work.  The next day I did go whale watching to relax myself.

To me leisure time is important.  Leisure time can be interchangeable with self care time.  Leisure time is when you can enjoy your hobbies like fishing, boating, going to sporting events, whale watching, knitting, reading, going to a spa, getting your nails done, or what ever a person enjoys doing.

My leisure time or self care time makes me a more productive person at work.  It makes me feel better.  I make time for self care every week.  Some times I even say no to working extra shifts at work because I need my leisure time.

When I do choose to go to school, I will make time for my self care habits as well.

 

 

Power of Positivity

Last Sunday it was like the Universe/God was trying to test my positivity.

I woke up on my way to work like any other day.  While getting my breakfast ready, I found out the microwave wasn’t working anymore.  I couldn’t have my usual breakfast because I needed the microwave to warm up my veggie burger.  I told myself that I wasn’t going to let it affect my day.  I would just have to have breakfast at work.  I decided to leave early.

I go out to the car and put the key in the ignition and nothing happens.  The radio comes on but the engine didn’t come on.  I tried for about 5 minutes and nothing.  I just told myself that I would just take an uber and be chauffeured to work then.  It wasn’t my car and the landlord happened to be out of town.  I would text the landlord when I got to work.  I left the key at home and took the uber to work.

I get to work and got breakfast.  I just got a bagel because nothing else looked good.  After eating the bagel, my tooth started to hurt.  I was thinking what is going on today.  I decided that it wasn’t going to ruin my day.  After an hour the toothache went away.

I ended up having a great day at work.  It wasn’t too busy and I didn’t get any admissions or discharges.

I was thinking to myself how I didn’t let any of the situations in my day affect my mood.  I could have chose to tell myself that I was having a bad day and let it affect my mood.

I have trained my brain to see the positive.  It took a while for me to do that.  I have to practice positivity daily.  At the end of the day, I think of 3 things that I’m grateful for.  It could be things that happened that day or it could be other things.

Situations will always arise that you might not like.  I’ve found that I always have the power to choose how to react or not react to a situation.  I also have the power to not let it affect my mood.

Sometimes I do have some days that I have to struggle to hold onto my positivity.  It is getting easier every day not to let things affect my mood.  Eating healthy foods every day has also given me a big boost to my mood.  I didn’t know until I started to eat healthy how much that affected my mood.

So next time, you find yourself having a bad day.  Just remember something that makes you smile or laugh.  This youtube video always makes me laugh.  When I’m at work and I’m feeling stressed, I try to take the time to watch this video and get myself laughing again.

 

Ignoring my Calling

For most of my life, I have been ignoring my calling.

Looking back now, I can see the signs that I missed pertaining to my calling.  God/Universe wants me to be a teacher.  Maybe not in a classroom but a teacher of some kind.

One time that I ignored a sign was when I was in RN school.  I was in the bridge program for LPNs.  It was a three semester program.  Before starting the dean told me to stop working my two jobs so that I could make it through the program.  I didn’t listen.  I thought I could make it work.  The first semester came and I found that I was having a hard time balancing my work and school life.  I was having a hard time making time to study.

By the end of the first semester, I had a high C in the class.  At the end of the semester, there was three exit exams that we had to take.  We only had two chances to pass each test.  The first time, we took the test, the teachers didn’t count the questions that we hadn’t gone over in the semester.  If we got those questions wrong, it didn’t count towards the grade.  The second time we took the test, the students had to get above the national average.  The first time, the score that the students had to get was lower than the national average.  The national average was the average score that the nursing school students scored on the exit exams.

I ended up not passing any of the exit exams.  I had to retake all three of them.  To take the exams the second time, the students had to sign a contract saying that if the student didn’t pass the exam, the school could change the grade to a D.  The student could not continue in the program unless the student passed the exit exams.  I ended up passing two out of the three exit exams.  To say I was crushed would be an understatement.  I remember going into the dean’s office crying.  She told me that she would give me another chance.  The regular program was starting that Monday and I could start in it.  She told me that I wouldn’t get another chance if I didn’t pass the exit exams again.

The third semester, I had to meet with the dean.  This meeting was just to check on my progress in the program. I had passed the exit exams.  I had almost flunked out of labor and delivery but ended up passing.  I had only talked to the dean a few times.  She told me that I would make a good teacher.  At the time, I was not interested in that.  She even told me that she would pay my fees to be a part of the teacher’s association.  I told her thank you but no.

Looking back on that situation, I was amazed that she would even say that to me.  I had flunked out of the bridge program and almost flunked out of labor and delivery.  Some how she still saw in me the potential to be a teacher.  She must of heard that from the other teachers that had taught me in the program.  Different teachers in my LPN and RN programs have said that I would make a good teacher.  They told me that I had the patience and disposition to be a great teacher.  Another sign that I ignored.

One thing that nursing school doesn’t teach you is how to teach.  At some point in a nurse’s career, a nurse is going to have to teach.  There may be nursing school students on the floor that day.  A nurse may be asked to train a new nurse coming on the floor.  My first job in the hospital, I ended up training a new nurse.  I had only been working at that job for a little over a year.  I still felt like a new nurse at that time.

I recently worked at a hospital in Florida.  There were three different nursing schools coming to the floor on different days.  This hospital unfortunately had the nurses with seven patients at times.  I loved when the nursing school students came and they had some of my patients.  I could ask them to help me or they could take some of my tasks off of my plate.   Two of the teachers told me that I would make a good teacher.  Another sign from the Universe/God.

One day all of the students were placed with me.  I had a great day.  The students were beginning to compliment me on taking the time out to teach them and letting them do things.  I remember how it was to be a nursing student and so I like to pay it forward.  Nursing school can’t teach every thing about nursing.  Some things nurses have to learn while on the job.

I remember in LPN school, there was one nurse on the floor who didn’t like students.  She had a nasty attitude towards us and didn’t allow us to do anything with her patients even though the nursing school teacher assigned a student to that patient.  When I had one of that nurse’s patients that day, I didn’t know what to do.  Thankfully it was her birthday that day and she was in a good mood and allowed me to take care of the patient.  Through her behavior I learned what kind of nurse that I didn’t want to be.  Every nurse has been a nursing student at some point.   Now I love it when students are around.   That is just another sign that I was being called to be a teacher.

Now I’m not ignoring the signs anymore.

I Still Amaze Myself

Last week, I did something so simple but it still amazed me while I was doing it.

I was going to Tijuana with a friend.  I got there early.

The Shavawn of 5 years ago would have just waited in the car until her friend showed up.  She was insecure about other people thinking that she had no friends.

Instead of sitting in the car, I saw a dollar tree.  I wanted to go window shopping.  On the way to the dollar tree, I saw that there was an outlet mall across the street.  I chose to go to the outlet mall and window shop.  I enjoyed myself.

It was something that was so simply but at the same time it wasn’t.  I was thinking while I was window shopping how hard this would have been for me a couple of years ago.  I used to hate to do things by myself.

Now I’m a travel nurse traveling around the US by herself and enjoying it.

A couple of weeks, ago a drug company came to the hospital and brought us lunch.  I ended up taking the salsa home.  I was going to put it in a salad or my tortilla.  I found myself really happy and dancing in the kitchen when I was using the salsa.  I was just happy to be using the salsa.  I used to dance like that before I ate the doughnuts and cakes that I used to eat.  Now I get happy and excited to eat healthy foods.

My parents have a garden and I love when the tomatoes are ready.  I can actually tell the difference between home grown tomatoes and store bought tomatoes.  I love the home grown tomatoes.

If you had of told me 5 years ago that I would enjoy eating vegetables and fruits, I would have called you a liar.  Back then, I loved my doughnuts and cakes.  That’s why I ate them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner at times.

I hope I never get out of this phase where the little things like this still amaze me.

Sometimes you just need a reminder of how far you’ve come.

It’s so easy to get caught up in what’s next.  With my life coach, I check off a goal every 2 weeks and then I’m on to the next goal.  Sometimes I forget how much I’ve actually done.

I remember when speaking in public used to be a big deal to me.  It still scares me but I know that I can do it.  I did an open mic night at a club.

Just recently I was trying to write my biography.  I was having a hard time listing the things that I’ve done.  It felt like I was bragging.  It isn’t bragging to list the things that you’ve done.  It may actually encourage some one to know that you did something that scared you.

Almost every time that I’m scared to do something, I think of the things that I have already done.  I went skydiving, did an open mic night, got my certification to be a life coach, lived in Hawaii for 6 months, beat my eating disorder, started a blog, and so much more.

So next time you get scared or sad, just think of some of the things that you have done throughout your life.  I’m pretty sure that you may be amazed also, just like I was.

 

When?

When?

I used to think happiness was a destination.

I used to tell myself that.

I’ll be happy when I lose the weight.

I’ll be happy when I graduate from college.

I’ll be happy when I get married.

I’ll be happy when I get a new job.

I’ll  be happy when I become a travel nurse.

Some of those came and I still wasn’t happy.

I realized that happiness comes when I decide to be happy.

I am happy with the woman that I am now and the woman that I am still becoming.

I am happy with the progress that I’ve made and I’m happy to be working towards my goals and dreams.

I took responsibility for my own happiness.

I am happy because I decided to be happy and grateful.

Acceptance

A funny thing happened about a week ago.

After my shift was over, I was finishing up my charting for the day and the other nurses started to compliment me on my voice.  I had had an unruly patient that day but one nurse said that my voice was calm while I was talking to the patient.  Even when I was trying to be stern with the patient my voice was still calm and smooth.  Some other nurses jumped in and said the same thing.  They said that if I was on the radio then they would listen just to hear my voice.

This is funny to me because I used to be so self conscious about my voice.  After I went through puberty, my voice got deeper.  I used to ask my friends if I sounded like a guy over the phone.  Some people over the phone would call me sir instead of ma’am.  That made me even more self conscious about my voice.

In high school, a guy gave me his number to call him.  It took me a whole year before I called him because I was so self conscious about my voice over the phone.  My brother had to literally sit on me and dial the number and put the phone up to my ear until the guy answered.  I laugh about that situation now but I was so nervous at that time to call that guy.

When I first started working with my life coach, she complimented my voice.  She also said that I needed to be on the radio.  When she listened to my practice breakthrough session, she complimented my voice.  She said that my voice was warm, steady, calm and I had the right pace.  While I was doing the practice breakthrough session with my friend, I had felt so nervous.  I thought my voice was shaky but she told me that wasn’t the case.

I don’t need to be self conscious about my voice.

Maybe what I used to think of as a flaw (my voice) is actually what makes me unique.  I asked myself a question.

What if I actually loved my voice and my body and didn’t worry about changing them?

When I was in my first year of college, I thought about getting breast implants.  I felt that I needed bigger breasts to help myself love myself more.  I’m now glad that I didn’t have enough money to get breast implants.

About five years ago, I wanted my butt to be bigger.  I tried to exercise for it.  Squats didn’t really help.  I looked into surgery.  It was expensive and I didn’t want every body to know that I had surgery to get a bigger butt.  Even though I was 180 pounds, my butt didn’t poke out like I wanted it to.  As I gained weight, it just got wider.

I recently went shopping with a friend and started to try on skinny jeans.  I never really liked skinny jeans because I think they accentuate the fact that I have a small butt.  I tried them on anyway.  I actually bought 3 pairs of skinny jeans.  I love them.  I just accepted the fact that I have a small butt.  That is not going to change.

Recently I just decided to love my body.  I spent about 30 years thinking of changing my body.  I was going up and down with my weight.  I was looking into surgery.

What did happen when I changed my mind about trying to change my body and just love my body?

I felt a weight lift off my shoulders.  I don’t need to have a bigger butt or bigger breasts to love myself.  I’ve come to love my voice.  It’s mine.  Now I don’t have to worry about saving up for surgery.  I can use that money to have adventures.  If someone wants to get surgery to change their bodies that is ok.  Every one has a choice to do what they feel is right for them.  I was letting other people’s opinions influence my decisions about my body.  Some men would tell me that I would be a 10 if I had a bigger butt or bigger breasts.  That is one of the reasons that I thought about surgery.  I stopped listening to those men.  Their opinions will not make me try to change myself any more.  I will do what I feel is right for myself regarding my body.

I love my body just the way it is!  I love my voice just the way it is!  This is the body that I have right now.  I can either love it or spend my life trying to change it.  Like the HGTV show, Love it or List it, I choose to love it.  I accept my body for what it is and love it.  My body is amazing and can do amazing things.