Still Learning

Yesterday, I had a awful day at work.  It was so busy I didn’t get to take a lunch break.  I barely drank any water.  By the end of the shift, I felt so tired and drained.

I did learn a new lesson.

Towards the end of my shift, I found myself getting internally mad at the charge nurse.  I was getting mad at her for not helping me out more or asking if I needed any help.  Usually the other charge nurses come around and ask if you need any help throughout the shift.

When I had some time to sit down and chart, I asked myself why I was getting mad.  The answer came to me, I wasn’t mad at the charge nurse.  I was mad at myself for not asking for more help.  I was expecting the charge nurse to know how busy I was without me saying anything.

Have you ever gotten mad at someone for not helping you?  Have you ever gotten mad at the other person for not knowing why you are mad?

What I should have done instead of getting mad was to ask for help.  I usually take my lunch break around 3 pm.  At that time, I should have told the charge nurse to help with my patients so that I can take a break.  I’m sure she would have said yes and I could have eaten.  Maybe I wouldn’t have felt so tired had I eaten something.

One of my patient’s even pointed out that my eyes were watering a lot because I was so tired.  I had to agree with her.

I can’t get mad at someone for not helping if I didn’t ask for help or let them know what I was going through.

I made it through the shift and couldn’t wait to get home and get to sleep.

The next time I get really busy, I’m going to ask for help and take my lunch break.  Yes, I’ll get paid for not taking a lunch break but I would rather have taken it.  That money isn’t worth working 12 hours with no lunch break.

I get home and get ready for bed.  Then I started to get the signals from the Universe that I was about to see a bug.  Every time before I see a bug I get signals.  Or if there is a bug in my room already, I won’t be able to go to sleep.  I was so tired but I just couldn’t fall asleep.  So I started to play on my phone just waiting for the moment.

Around 1 am, it finally happened.  The bug came out of hiding and I was able to kill it and then I was finally able to go to sleep.

While I was tired, I was grateful that I didn’t fall asleep.  I do understand that bugs have the right to live.  I just don’t want them in the house.

The lesson I learned in that moment was that the Universe always takes care of me.  I was able to get a sound sleep after that.

I’m glad that I’m still learning lessons and hopefully I can put them into practice and ask for help.

Asking for help doesn’t mean that you are weak, it means that you are strong enough to recognize that you need help.

Spirit Animals

I was recently watching a video of some orcas or killer whales playing in California.  I had a thought.

Orcas are the apex predator of the ocean.  One reason is that they have relationships and they have each others back.  They teach the younger orcas to hunt.  Some orcas hunt sharks, some hunt stingrays, and some eat fish.  Different orca pods teach their young different skills.

Orcas survive in pods.

I used to think that the great white shark was the top predator in the ocean.  That changed when I saw the movie, A Whale That Ate Jaws.  Before that movie I never knew that orcas ate sharks.  The movie shows a whale watching company that saw a great white shark get attacked and killed by an orca.  The orca rammed the shark and turned it upside down until it stopped breathing.

Great white sharks are solitary animals.  The moms don’t teach the young to hunt.  The baby sharks are independent from birth.  At least this is what the scientists believe, they don’t know too much about the mating habits or birthing habits of the great white shark but they do know that they spend most of their lives alone.

This got me to thinking that humans do better when they are in relationships and not so solitary.  Its ok to be by yourself for a while but not for a long time.

I used to be solitary for a long time.  I remember I would go to work and the grocery store and that was about it for a couple of years.  I would see my friends about every 6 months and my family about twice a month.  Now I am more social. I’m not just focusing on getting a romantic relationship, I have family and friendships that I can be fulfilled in.

The lesson that I learned from this video is that orcas have balance.  They hunt when needed, they play when needed and they sleep when needed.  They don’t work themselves to the bone hunting all the time.

I would have dreams about orcas.  They would teach me so much in those dreams.  That’s why I consider orcas my spirit animals. I’ve always been interested in them since I was a child.  I wanted to be an oceanographer when I was little.  This is an excerpt  from about orcas:

Just this morning I woke up and I looked up the meaning of elephants.  My landlord has a picture of an elephant in my room.

It’s a beautiful picture.  After having a conversation with my best friends last night, the message fit with that conversation. This is an excerpt from

The message that I got from this is to take care of yourself first before you help others and your “instincts will lead you where you need to go.”  The other message I took from this is the need to “unearth buried memories so that you can release them.”  To me that last sentence can mean to look into your past lives to see lessons that need to be learned.  I agree that a person has to take care of themselves first before helping others.

When I first became a nurse, I wasn’t taking care of myself.  I would get tired from walking up one flight of stairs or doing just one round of compressions on a patient.  I felt like a hypocrite when I was teaching my patients about their diet when I was clearly not eating healthy myself.  I wouldn’t even take my lunch breaks or any bathroom breaks either.  When I started to take care of myself, I became a better nurse.  I now walk up 7 flights of stairs and only get winded when I get to the 5th floor.  I can’t help anyone else if my cup is empty.

The other part about shifting focus I don’t feel like I need to do that part just now.  I feel like I’m looking at the bigger picture already.  I know I always have room to grow and learn.  I will listen to other viewpoints and I won’t ever stop learning.

I believe that nature can teach us lessons.  Nature has balance.  The animals don’t kill all of the animals they eat at one time.  They only eat what they need.  They rest when needed and play when needed.  Every animal you see has a meaning or a message.

What animal do you like?

Maybe that animal has a message for you.