I recently had an interview and before the interview, one of the managers asked me a question that threw me off.

The last time that I had put in an application at this company, they offered me a job on the same day that my dad died. I told them at the time that I couldn’t make a decision right now and thankfully my other job got more funding, and I didn’t need the hospital job anymore.

I got to the interview a little late, and the first manager had to wait for the other managers.

She was making small talk, and she asked me why I didn’t take the job the last time. I had to tell her that my dad died on the day that they offered me the job. She said that she was sorry to hear that. She then said that I should be ok now because it had been 2 years.

I didn’t know what to say after that.

Yes, for the most part, I am ok. But I still have some moments.

For example, two months ago, I was listening to Sade’s, Baby Father. I have listened to that song since my dad died and had no issues. But that day, when I heard the part that says, “Your daddy love comes with a lifetime guarantee.” After that lyric, I just started to cry. It just hit me that my dad still loves me even though he isn’t here physically.

Since my dad died, I lost a sense of security that I didn’t know I had until I lost my dad. I knew that I could count on my dad for certain things.

For example, I forgot my driver’s license and my debit and credit cards at home. I didn’t realize this until an hour after I got to work. I then realized that I don’t have anyone to call that could help me or bring them to me. I knew that if my dad were alive, I could call him, and he would bring them to me. Thank God, I made it home without an incident occurring.

After the manager, asked me that question and then said that I should be ok, I just said ok. It was an appropriate question to ask. I told the person that called but I guess, he didn’t tell anyone else why I didn’t accept the job.

Now I realize that everyone views grief differently. I view grief as a lifelong process. Most days, I am ok and other days, I am not ok. I don’t think I will ever not miss my dad.

I wish that I had said that most days, I am ok and I still have some moments. And that is ok.