Dreamer

I went on my solo cruise, but it didn’t turn out how I thought it would.  A week ago, I was sure that I was going to meet my future husband on this cruise.  He didn’t show up.  I was getting signs and dreams that this was going to be the moment.

I thought everything was falling into place.

While on the cruise, I read a book that struck a chord with me.  The quote stated:

“Not accidentally or coincidentally are we born into our families.  We choose our circumstances and establish a plan for our lives before we are even conceived.  Our planning is aided by the loving spiritual beings who eventually guide and protect us while we are in our physical bodies as our life’s plan unfolds.  Destiny is another name for the unfolding dramas we have already chosen.  Mapped out are the key people we will meet, our reunions with soul-mates and soul companions, even the actual places where these events will eventually occur.  Although every human being has a life plan, we also have free will, as do our parents and everyone with whom we interact.  Our lives and theirs will be affected by the choices we make while in physical state, but the destiny points will still occur.  We will meet the people we had planned to meet, and we will face the opportunities and obstacles the we had planned long before our births.  How we handle these meetings, however, our reactions and subsequent decisions, are the expressions of our free will.”- Dr. Brain Weiss from Messages from the Masters.

This encouraged me.  God/Universe and myself has already planned out my life.  I will meet the people that I’m meant to meet.

When I got home from the cruise, I felt like a failure.  I was heartbroken.  There were some people who were happy that it didn’t turn out how I wanted it to.  There were also some people who wanted me to meet him.

I questioned my dreams and the signs.  I questioned God.  I questioned my life plan.  I questioned my heart.

I had to question myself.

What do I do now?  Do I start living my life like some people want me to live it?  Do I stop going after my dreams?  Can I trust myself?  Can I listen to my heart?

I just don’t believe that God/Universe would lie to me for 8 years.  I ask very specific questions and I get very specific answers.

If I give up on these dreams, I wouldn’t just be giving up my future husband.  I would be giving up the future friends and future plans that I’ve seen.  I would be giving up on the people that I would help.

I can’t go back to my old life.  These dreams helped me to live this life that I’m living right now.

I went from trying grapes to jumping out of airplanes thanks to my dreams.

Even though I “failed” on the cruise, I had a good time.  Ultimately I didn’t fail.

I followed my heart.

“When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it’s not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.”-Stephenie Meyer.

I don’t know what the future holds anymore.  I do know that I can’t give up on the dreams that I’ve had but I will be open minded about the future.  I’m going to do what I feel is right for me and not what other people want me to do.

I’m learning a lot about myself.  I wouldn’t wish heartbreak on anybody.  This heartbreak is helping me to learn.

In the end my “mistakes” and “failures” are just blessings in disguise.

I also had to stop listening to sad music.  Jill Scott was singing my life with this next song.  This song was exactly how I felt.  I had this song on replay when I got back from the cruise.

I started to listen to my spiritual war cry playlist.  Those songs uplift my spirit.

I also realized through talking to my life coach, that I did have to grieve for my dreams.  I was shown a whole life with a husband, friends, and experiences that may not come true.  I would be lying to myself if I said that I didn’t want those dreams to come true.

Some day this will all make sense.  For now, I’m going to keep an open mind on God’s plan.

The world needs more people that are willing to follow their dreams even when they fail.

For example, what if Oprah had quit after her first failure.  Think of all the people that would have affected.  She kept going and she has helped so many people.

Failure was one of the reasons that I was scared to tell people about my dreams.  What if the dreams didn’t come true, then I would not only be a failure but then everyone would know.  Now I’m not afraid because their opinions won’t stop me from following my dreams.

Every thing doesn’t always turn out how you want it to.

For now, I’m not going to stop dreaming and following my heart.

Dream on, dreamers!!

 

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