Acceptance

A funny thing happened about a week ago.

After my shift was over, I was finishing up my charting for the day and the other nurses started to compliment me on my voice.  I had had an unruly patient that day but one nurse said that my voice was calm while I was talking to the patient.  Even when I was trying to be stern with the patient my voice was still calm and smooth.  Some other nurses jumped in and said the same thing.  They said that if I was on the radio then they would listen just to hear my voice.

This is funny to me because I used to be so self conscious about my voice.  After I went through puberty, my voice got deeper.  I used to ask my friends if I sounded like a guy over the phone.  Some people over the phone would call me sir instead of ma’am.  That made me even more self conscious about my voice.

In high school, a guy gave me his number to call him.  It took me a whole year before I called him because I was so self conscious about my voice over the phone.  My brother had to literally sit on me and dial the number and put the phone up to my ear until the guy answered.  I laugh about that situation now but I was so nervous at that time to call that guy.

When I first started working with my life coach, she complimented my voice.  She also said that I needed to be on the radio.  When she listened to my practice breakthrough session, she complimented my voice.  She said that my voice was warm, steady, calm and I had the right pace.  While I was doing the practice breakthrough session with my friend, I had felt so nervous.  I thought my voice was shaky but she told me that wasn’t the case.

I don’t need to be self conscious about my voice.

Maybe what I used to think of as a flaw (my voice) is actually what makes me unique.  I asked myself a question.

What if I actually loved my voice and my body and didn’t worry about changing them?

When I was in my first year of college, I thought about getting breast implants.  I felt that I needed bigger breasts to help myself love myself more.  I’m now glad that I didn’t have enough money to get breast implants.

About five years ago, I wanted my butt to be bigger.  I tried to exercise for it.  Squats didn’t really help.  I looked into surgery.  It was expensive and I didn’t want every body to know that I had surgery to get a bigger butt.  Even though I was 180 pounds, my butt didn’t poke out like I wanted it to.  As I gained weight, it just got wider.

I recently went shopping with a friend and started to try on skinny jeans.  I never really liked skinny jeans because I think they accentuate the fact that I have a small butt.  I tried them on anyway.  I actually bought 3 pairs of skinny jeans.  I love them.  I just accepted the fact that I have a small butt.  That is not going to change.

Recently I just decided to love my body.  I spent about 30 years thinking of changing my body.  I was going up and down with my weight.  I was looking into surgery.

What did happen when I changed my mind about trying to change my body and just love my body?

I felt a weight lift off my shoulders.  I don’t need to have a bigger butt or bigger breasts to love myself.  I’ve come to love my voice.  It’s mine.  Now I don’t have to worry about saving up for surgery.  I can use that money to have adventures.  If someone wants to get surgery to change their bodies that is ok.  Every one has a choice to do what they feel is right for them.  I was letting other people’s opinions influence my decisions about my body.  Some men would tell me that I would be a 10 if I had a bigger butt or bigger breasts.  That is one of the reasons that I thought about surgery.  I stopped listening to those men.  Their opinions will not make me try to change myself any more.  I will do what I feel is right for myself regarding my body.

I love my body just the way it is!  I love my voice just the way it is!  This is the body that I have right now.  I can either love it or spend my life trying to change it.  Like the HGTV show, Love it or List it, I choose to love it.  I accept my body for what it is and love it.  My body is amazing and can do amazing things.

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