I couldn’t find one.
In my mind, I could picture exactly which picture I wanted for my before picture. It was a picture of my nephew and I. He was about 5 months old at the time. I remember the picture because I didn’t look so great in it. When I first saw the photo all I could see was that I had a double chin, my skin was oily, and I had acne. My nephew looked great. He was smiling and having fun.
I do remember after my dad showed me the picture, I tried to hide it. I think I eventually tore the picture up and threw it away. Now when I picture that picture in my mind, I see my nephew and I having fun. I realize now that I was focusing on the wrong things.
I thought about that for a while. I used to tear up the pictures of myself that I didn’t like. I did that because the pictures showed me that I wasn’t beautiful to myself. When I was bigger, I didn’t think I was beautiful. I thought my face was pretty but not beautiful. No matter if someone else called me pretty or beautiful, I didn’t feel that way about myself. I didn’t like having my photo taken because I didn’t like the photos.
I recently booked a private photographer in Sydney, Australia and I’m so excited. It was a big step for me. The recent hair loss turned my world upside down for a while.
I feel beautiful inside and out now.
I just yesterday told some nurses my age. They were shocked that I am 36 years old. One of them said that I looked like I was 30 years old. I took that as a compliment. I would like to think that I look young because I’m radiating my love for myself from the inside out.
Now I know that I’m beautiful to myself even if no one ever told me that I was pretty or beautiful.
Now I’m ready for my picture to be taken and to share my smile with myself and the world!!