Emotional Rollercoaster

I recently went to an overeaters anonymous meeting.   I went there because in San Diego they have a speakers and a sharing meeting.  I wanted to see what a person had to do to become a speaker.

As the speaker started to tell her story, I realized that I could relate to most of the things that she was sharing.  I had been through most of those things with my own food struggles.  I had tried the fad diets and binge eating.  When that speaker was done, she opened the floor for other people to share their stories.  I found that I could also relate to most of the other people’s struggles with food.

Then came the time for the new people to introduce themselves.  The group turned and looked at me.

I said, “Hi, My name is Shavawn.”

I paused and let them say hi Shavawn.

I continued and I said that I was a travel nurse in San Diego but originally from Georgia.

Those two sentences seem very small but they are big in my world.

I didn’t introduce myself as an overeater.  All the other people stated their names and then proceeded to say that they were a compulsive overeater.  I didn’t.

I don’t consider myself an overeater anymore. 

I was overjoyed that I don’t look at myself as an overeater anymore.  After saying those two sentences, I wanted to jump up and start to do my happy dance.

I also realized that most of the 12 steps that they used, I have already done those steps with my life coach.  I don’t have to practice abstinence with any food now because I know I don’t want to go back to the way things were.  I have people to inspire and I love myself too much to allow myself to go back to the way I was when I had my eating disorder.

I learned that I changed the way that I see myself.  I wouldn’t have realized that had I not gone to that meeting.

This lesson came at the perfect time too.  I recently got back into the dating world and things haven’t been going my way the last two weeks.  One guy ghosted me after 2 dates, another messaged me only one time and disappeared, and still another one didn’t respond at all.  I also sprained my ankle on that first date.  My ego was hurt after all that.  I realize that not every man is going to like me, but I would make a awesome girlfriend and wife.  I really did like one of those guys but maybe all of those things happened to get me closer to the guy that I’m supposed to be with.

For a couple of days my ego was hurt.  I had to have a talk with myself.  I told myself that I could no longer base my self esteem on my relationships.  I had done that for thirty years and it didn’t work for me.  I didn’t like the emotional rollercoaster that I had allowed myself to be on when I practiced that bad habit.  I couldn’t allow myself to go back to the way I was when I was allowing other people to be responsible for my self esteem by being in a relationship with me.

It was okay for me to be sad for a little bit but what was not okay was for me to continue to beat myself up about what made the guys stop talking to me.  I was being myself and some guys will like it and some won’t.  I will never know why they stopped talking to me and it is also none of my business.  My business is to keep loving myself and being myself.

I know that God/Universe always takes care of me in all situations.

After the overeaters anonymous meeting, I drove to Newport Beach and went whale watching.  I went whale watching because I needed to do some self care.  Being near water and seeing whales always gets me in a good mood.

I would love to read in the comments, what is something that you have been doing that you are ready to let go of because it no longer helps you?  Do you want to get off of your emotional rollercoaster?

It could be something like you are going to stop being so negative to yourself or you are going to stop beating yourself up for a mistake that you have made.

I’m letting go of beating myself up and I’m letting go of putting myself on the emotional rollercoaster.  I’m going to be myself and the people who appreciate it will stay in my life and the others will leave.  My self esteem is up to me and no one else.

 

 

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