Grief

I’m learning that grief is not ending.

There are said to be five stages of grief. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Ever since my Aunt Charlotte died, I haven’t been the same. Some days I feel ok and other days I don’t. I still wish that I could talk to her.

I’m probably in the depression stage of grief over my Aunt Charlotte right now.

I know that I will be grieving over my Aunt Charlotte for the rest of my life and bouncing in between the stages of grief.

My aunt died only a few months ago. Her birthday was the day after mine. This will be my first birthday without her. I don’t know how I’m going to feel on my birthday or the next day.

I still grieve over my best friend. She and I had been friends for over 10 years when she and I decided not to be friends anymore. That was about 5 years ago.

Some days I’m fine and other days I’m not. I do think about her and hope that she is happy. I heard a song recently and it reminded me of her and I wanted to cry.

Even though I have accepted that we can’t be friends anymore that doesn’t stop me from having memories of our friendship and grieving that loss. She was a huge part of my life just like my aunt.

I’m still learning how to grieve a relationship that I thought could be but it didn’t last. I do wish that I had never met this guy so that I wouldn’t be heartbroken right now but it did happen. It was also a mistake going back to the same ship after he left. I thought I could handle it but I’m learning that I can’t. There are memories everywhere of him.

So even though I told my company that I would stay on the ship, I think for my peace of mind, I’m going to go to another ship. To get over him, I need to be in a different environment that doesn’t have any memories of him.

Unfortunately I might always have memories of him but hopefully with time, I won’t think of him as often.

Grief is a life long process.

I’m going to be fluctuating between all the stages for my entire life. I will learn how to navigate grief. Sometimes I just need to talk and sometimes I just need to cry.

Some experiences in life will have a person grieving and some experiences won’t. Navigating through grief can be overwhelming at times. It’s ok to ask for help. Sometimes therapy is needed to help a person through grief.

Because whether we like it or not, at some point in our lives, we all will welcome grief into our lives.

Every body moves through grief at there own pace. So if you feel like you should be over a situation, don’t be hard on yourself.

Grieve at your own pace and be patient with yourself.

I do feel like I should be over this man and not be sad. I want to move very fast through the grieving process with this situation. But unfortunately I can’t. I need to give myself time, patience, and grace. One day I might even be grateful for this situation.

If you ever feel like you’re moving slowly through the grieving process, just know that you’re going at your own pace. Every one is different.

Grief is not linear.

One day, you might be in acceptance and the very next day be angry.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s