OverEaters Anonymous

It was 2009 and I was in RN nursing school.  For psychology class, we had to attend a 12 step program and write a paper about it.  In LPN school, I had attended an alcoholics anonymous 12 step program.  I didn’t want to do AA again.  At this point I had fallen off of the diet wagon.  I was in my binging phase.  I would only eat twice a day.  For lunch, I would eat doughnuts or chocolate chip muffins or a cake.  I would eat until I felt full.  For dinner, I would eat whatever my mom cooked.  I looked up a 12 step program for anorexia and I came across overeaters anonymous.  There was a meeting very close to my house so I decided to go to it.  When I arrived at the meeting, it was only 5 other people there.  I was supposed to tell everybody that I was a nursing student and just sit in the back and not participate.  I felt like they wouldn’t be honest if I said that.  Everybody introduced themselves as an overeater.  So I said, “Hi, my name is Shavawn and I’m an overeater.”  Immediately after saying it, I could feel that it was the truth.  My soul recognized that I was telling the truth.  The class was on the step of making amends to people.  I have to say that I had a prejudice against one of the women in the class.  She was talking more than the others and she wasn’t overweight.  All the other people, including myself were overweight.  I had to check myself.  When I first starting to overeat, I wasn’t overweight.  So after the class was over I went to the grocery store.  I bought a small pound cake and ate the whole thing when I got home.  I had learned how to eat in public.  I never binged in front of anyone.  I always binged in private.  When I was in public, I would eat healthy.  While I was binging, all my problems would go away.  It was like I was high.  After the binge was over, I would feel guilty and weak.  I didn’t love myself.

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