Over the past 12 years, I’ve been struggling with this eating disorder. I would be lying if I told you that I don’t worry a little bit about having a relapse. Just today I ate some muffins. Now I’m bloated and my stomach hurts. It’s hard to eat unhealthy when you eat so healthy. I’ve had about 4 relapses over the years. When I’m in the diet phase I feel so in control and when I’m on the binging phase I feel so out of control. This time is different. I want to be healthy. I’ve found a way to eat healthy that works for me. When I was on my diet programs, I couldn’t sustain them for long. I could only go about 6 months and then I would be back on my binging phase again. The binging phase could last for years. With the help of my health coach, I’ve been on this healthy eating for about a year now. I can sustain this program. I’m eating foods I like and I still cheat occasionally but for the most part I eat healthy. I see first hand everyday what not taking care of yourself can lead to. I went shopping today for clothes and I felt so good about myself. I still have 18 more pounds to lose but I really needed new clothes. My scrubs were hanging off of me. I was tired of always having to pull up my pants at work. I haven’t worn shorts in over 4 years. I wore shorts for the first time last week when I went para-sailing. Tomorrow I’m going for a hot air balloon ride! I’m taking more chances and doing the things that I’ve always wanted to do. I’m even doing things by myself, which for me is a big deal. I would usually wait for my friends to be available before doing certain things. Now, I’m going out and doing what I want on my own. I’m para-sailing and going for a hot air balloon ride. Hopefully when I get back home, I can do some of those things with my friends or family. Every day I have to make the decisions about what I’m going to eat. I have to choose healthy food choices so that I won’t have a relapse again. I can no longer take the easy way out and just eat doughnuts or fast food. I have to take care of myself.