Looking Good For Myself!

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Almost every time I was in a relationship, I would put the guy over myself.  I would put his needs first and neglect my needs.  I remember when I had lost 31 pounds and my then boyfriend didn’t like it.  He said that I had lost my curves.  It made me feel bad because I wanted to be attractive to him.  I could tell from the way he acted that he didn’t like the weight lose.  One boyfriend meet me when I was in the process of losing weight.  He ate out a lot but he exercised so much that he didn’t gain any weight. Eventually I started to eat out with him.  I started gaining the weight back.  Unfortunately for me he liked it.  He would tell me that I now had curves and an ass.  I didn’t want to lose weight because he liked my body now.  He would make comments that when we first met I was too skinny.  I didn’t have an ass or my breasts were tiny when we first met.  In the course of our relationship I went from a size 6 to a size 14.  I didn’t like my body.  I was torn between wanting to lose weight and looking good to my boyfriend.  I chose to look good for him.  I was miserable with myself.  After that relationship ended I realized that I couldn’t put any body else’s needs over my own.  I was the only person who had to live in my body.  It didn’t matter if my exes liked my body when it was thick.  The only thing that mattered was that I didn’t like my body when I was thick.  It didn’t matter if people told me that I looked better with some weight on me.  I didn’t like my body when I had a lot of excess weight on it.  I learned that I had to look good for myself and not any one else.  I need to be happy with myself.  The journey had to start with getting to know myself and loving myself from the inside out.  Losing the weight now is just a side effect of loving myself.

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