Facing My Fears

super_nurse[1]Facing my fears has never been easy for me.  I got scared, nervous, and doubtful when I even thought of facing my fears.  I loved to stay in my comfort zone.  I knew what to expect from my life staying in my comfort zone.  No surprises happened either good or bad.  I would go to work and stay home on my days off.  Then I started to realize:

Nothing good can come from me staying in my comfort zone. 

I couldn’t become the woman that I saw in my dreams if I stayed in my comfort zone.  I wouldn’t be happy if I stayed in my comfort zone. My dreams wouldn’t come true if I stayed in my comfort zone.  With the help of my life coach, I started to slowly step out of my comfort zone.

One of my biggest fears, is public speaking.  In college, I took my public speaking class online to avoid having to make a speech in public.  I loved the fact that I could just record myself on my laptop and not have to stand in front of a class room full of people and speak.  I didn’t even have a laptop computer before I signed up for my public speaking class.  I got my laptop computer so that I could record myself.  In my dreams, I see myself onstage performing and doing some public speaking events.  My fear was one of the big reasons that I didn’t want some of my dreams to come true.  I was letting my fear control me.

When I started to write poetry, I decided that I needed to face my fear.  I wanted to be able to share my story and my lessons that I have learned.  I wanted to be able to help people avoid some of the mistakes that I had made.  I wanted to share my story so that maybe people who were going through what I was going through wouldn’t feel alone.  To do that I needed to be able to stand in front of an audience and speak. I looked up an open mic night.  The night before I was so nervous.  I wanted to not go and I even thought of reasons to tell my friends that I had invited to forget it.  I hadn’t seen my friends in a while so I really wanted to see them.  I also wanted to prove to myself how brave I could be.  A part of me wanted to do it and another part of me didn’t want to do it.  The day of the event, I was very nervous.  My palms were sweating, my heart was racing, and I wanted to vomit.  I went to the Apache Café anyway.  I realized that I invited my friends so that I would have some incentive to show up and not bail out.  I wanted to stay at home in my comfort zone.  No one could judge my poetry if they never heard it.  I showed up and I was still nervous.  I had a talk with God before I went on.  I even had a talk with my guardian angels and asked for their help.  Before going on to the stage, I noticed a painting on the wall.  It was bigger than the other painting around it and it featured my future husband.  I literally had to laugh.  God was showing me that I was in the right place.  I nudged my friend and showed her the painting.  I remember her saying that that was really weird.   I told her it was just a sign.

When I got on the stage, something weird happened.  A calmness came over me.  I knew that this was what I was supposed to be doing.  I was stepping into my calling.  During the performance, I was actually having fun.  It went by so fast.  Afterwards, I was so proud of myself.  Some people came up to me and said that I had done good.

I still have the fear of public speaking, but it isn’t as big as it once was.

This week, I faced that fear again.  I wanted to see if I would like being a teacher.  I talked to my life coach about going up to the nursing instructor of the nursing students and asking the instructor if I could do a presentation to the students.  I was so nervous and excited at the same time.  I rehearsed what I was going to say.  The night before, I was going to have the conversation with her, I took some precautions so that I wouldn’t be so nervous.  I meditated and I got in the bed early so that I would have enough sleep.  I did some breathing exercises to help me fall asleep.  I was still nervous that next day.  When the time came, my heart was pounding and I forgot my rehearsed script.  I free styled it.  Thankfully I still got what I wanted.  My life coach was right.  When I put myself out there, the universe takes care of me.  The universe and God want me to step into my calling.

I’m never going to like facing my fears.  It’s still scary and I don’t like feeling nervous.  After I face my fears, I feel so happy and energetic.  I feel proud of myself for doing it.  Everything doesn’t always go the way I want it to but at least I tried.  Now that I’m out of my comfort zone, I can’t go back.  I like the surprises that are coming my way.  I like knowing that there are new experiences coming my way.


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