Sometimes I Just Need A Reminder

Recently I had a conversation with my landlord that reminded me of who I am.

It was 3 days before I was to leave Hawaii.  The landlord told me about a woman that had rented the room after me.  She cancelled the room which she was supposed to rent for a whole month.  He told me the woman’s friend had cancelled at the last minute and she decided to cancel her trip.  The landlord had offered to take a few days off of work and show her around.  The woman had told him no and that she would be too anxious to be in Hawaii by herself.  The woman didn’t even ask for a refund.  She lost out on over a thousand dollars.

From that conversation, I realized how far I’ve come.  Two years ago, I was that woman.  I waited around for other people to go anywhere.  I was afraid to go in public by myself except for work and the grocery store.

For example, I was meeting my best friends at the mall.  I was the first one there.  I sat in the car until one of my friends got there.  I even called one of my best friends and talked to her until she got there and then I got out of the car.  I remember her asking me why I just didn’t get out of the car and wait for them in the mall.  I told her that other people would think that I didn’t have any friends.

Being scared to go places by myself led to me not having a vacation for 8 years.

My life coach even reminded me of how far I’ve come.  A year ago, one of my action steps was to go to an exercise class.  I had chose to go to an aerial silks class.  I had always wanted to try it.  I called my best friends and we were supposed to go to the class together.  Unfortunately, my friend ended up cancelling.  I thought about just sitting at home.  I had already paid for the class.  I asked myself why not go by myself.  I was so nervous while driving to the class.  I ended up going by myself and having a lot of fun.  That was a huge deal to me. The old Shavawn would have just sat at home, missed out on an opportunity, and wasted her money.  Now I go to exercise classes all the time by myself.

Now this doesn’t mean that I still don’t get scared to do things by myself.  I do.  I want to go on a cruise this June.  Not one of my friends are available to go with me.  I feel like I need to go on this cruise for so many reasons.  All the signs are there that I need to be there.  I am so nervous to go on this cruise.  I’m getting that excited nervous feeling.  My life coach reminded me that I went to Hawaii by myself and turned down the apartment that I had set up because it didn’t work for me.  I stayed in a hotel until I found an apartment a month later.  I did all of that.  So I’m going on a cruise this June by myself.  I don’t want to stand in my own way.  My destiny awaits.  I told my life coach, “I’m freaking out but I’m doing it any way.”

Sometimes I just need a reminder!

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