My life coach was telling me that she used a part of my story in her workshop. She told me that she told the group of women about the times that I would go to the grocery store and buy the doughnuts and buy fruits and vegetables too. I would end up throwing all the fruits and vegetables away because I didn’t eat them. Sometimes I would put the fruits and vegetables in the garbage right away and sometimes I would put them in the refrigerator to be thrown away later.
I bought them because I didn’t want anyone to think that I was just buying doughnuts, cakes, and lunchables to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I remember a cashier stating that she didn’t understand why I was buying doughnuts when I had all the other healthy foods. I felt like I had to say something. I lied to her and said that the doughnuts were for work.
I would only buy 2 boxes of doughnuts at a time. That means that I would have to go to the grocery story about 2 or 3 times a week. Those 2 boxes usually lasted about a day or two. I would have at least 3 grocery stores that I would go to. I kept a mental note of the grocery store that I last went to so that way I wouldn’t be going to the same grocery store more than once a week. Sometimes I would forget and have to drive past that particular grocery store and drive to another one that was close by because I had already been to that one that week. I didn’t want to be judged by any one for buying so many doughnuts and cakes.
Thinking back on that time, it makes me feel exhausted to think of some of the things that I put myself through.
When self check out came around, that became my best friend. Doing self check out meant that the cashier couldn’t comment on me buying so many doughnuts. I also didn’t have to buy so many fruits and vegetables. I did feel bad for throwing those things away. I could have fed so many people with the food that I threw away.
Now when I go to the grocery store, I only buy what I’m going to eat. If I happen to want some muffins or cookies then I get them. I don’t feel any shame or judgment any more. I know that I am taking care of myself. I don’t deny myself my cravings.
I’m also not afraid to tell my story now. I’m finding that my story can inspire other people. If I can change my life then so can any one else.
I went from staying home most of the time to traveling the US, jumping out of airplanes, and doing so many things by myself. I never in a million years imagined that my life could be so good. Its good that I got a reminder of where I started. It showed me how far I’m come from that woman that I was just 3 years ago.