My Story

I recently had another nurse ask me a question at work.  She asked me if she could ask me a question because I seemed comfortable being by myself.

She then told me that she felt like she wanted to be by herself to get to know herself but she was in a relationship.  She said she had never been alone.

I told her my story.

I told her that I used to define myself by the romantic relationships that I was in.  I hadn’t been by myself since high school until I took the time to be alone and get to know myself.  That was a process that took some time.

The last relationship that I was in was to a good man.  We didn’t really have a lot of issues.  I knew that I had to break up with him when he started to talk about marriage.  I wanted to get married but I knew that I wasn’t really ready at that time.  I didn’t know myself and I was still dealing with my eating disorder.

I knew that I needed to be alone so that I could get to know myself but I was afraid to be alone.

Who was I without being in a romantic relationship?  Who was I going to be?  Would I like myself when I was alone?  Could I deal with my eating disorder?

These questions kept haunting me.

The other scary part was that I wouldn’t know the answer to those questions until I took the leap and took the time to be by myself.  

So ten years ago, I took the leap and decided that I was going to take as much time as I needed to get to know myself and get help with my eating disorder.  That was the best decision that I made.

At first, I didn’t like being by myself.  I realized that I liked being in relationships because it helped me to ignore my problems.  I was ok in my eyes when I was in a relationship.

I told the other nurse that I had to confront my problems but that it helped me in the long run.  I was able to get help for my eating disorder.  It also helped me to get really clear about what I needed in a relationship.  In my past relationships, I didn’t really know what I was looking for and needed.  Now that I know myself, it has helped me to know what I need in a romantic relationship.

To get comfortable in being by myself, I also had to learn how to go in public and do things by myself.  I started off with just going to the movies by myself.  I would only go during the week and when the movie had been in the theaters for a long time.  I also would only go when the theater first opened in the morning.  That way I knew that there would not be too many people in the theater.  Doing that small action helped me to get comfortable doing things by myself.  I knew that I eventually wanted to be a travel nurse and I wouldn’t have a partner to go with me.

After telling her my story, she thanked me and said that that was exactly what she needed to hear.  I was proud that my story could help her.  I don’t know what she decided but that is irrelevant.  I like to think that my story helped her to make a decision that was best for her.

That is one of the reasons that I started this blog.  To share my story and maybe help someone with it.

Just remember that your story can help another person.  So when someone asks, don’t be afraid to tell.  She came to me because she saw and heard that I had done things by myself.

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