While watching the Olympics today, I had an epiphany.  I’m watching these athletes and I’m wondering how long it took them to get to where they are at right now.  We see them in all their glory at the Olympics but we don’t see them when they are training to get to the Olympics.  We don’t see the long hours of training or the lost time with their families.  The missed dinners with friends or the times they said no to the food they love because it wouldn’t help them reach their goals to always eat out.  My life coach taught me that people will notice you when you’ve reached your goals but they don’t know the day to day things that you did to reach your goals.  I’m paraphrasing what she said but that was the gist of what I got out of it.  It got me thinking about myself.  People are starting to take notice of me.  Some even think that it was an overnight success.  Success is rarely overnight.  First, I had to recognize that I had a problem.  Second, I had to get help.  I knew I couldn’t do it alone.  The athletes at the Olympics don’t do it alone.  They use a coach and they need support from family or friends.  I got a life coach.  I would never have had a blog a year and a half ago.  I would have never tried pineapple or other fruits and vegetables a year and a half ago.  I had to actually try new foods and new things.  I had to take small steps that led to turning my dreams into reality.  The day to day choices that I make will eventually lead me to my other dreams.  I know now that it’s not about making major changes overnight.  That’s why I never succeeded when I was on the fad diets.  I would change my eating habits overnight and 3 months later, I was right back on my binging phase because I couldn’t keep up the fad diet.  I still to this day have to remind myself of my dreams and think about will this decision help or harm me in the long run.  If I don’t go exercising today, I might not have time tomorrow.  These choices will determine my destiny.  My destiny is made up of my choices that I make right now.  I choose to make choices that will help me in my future.

For most of my life, I have been playing it safe.  Not letting people know my opinions because I didn’t want to argue or have a heated discussion.  Not going after my dreams because that would require me to change and get out of my comfort zone.  I was comfortable in my comfort zone.  I knew what to expect out of my life when I was in the comfort zone.  I wasn’t comfortable with change.  I got into my routine and I was stuck there.  In this past year and a half, I realized that I can’t play it safe anymore.  To get my dreams to become reality, I had to step out my comfort zone.  Being a wallflower didn’t serve me anymore.  It wasn’t giving me any comfort anymore.  My life coach told me one time that there are people out there waiting on me to become the woman that I was meant to be.  She told me that I could help them with my journey and by telling all the good and the bad.  I haven’t seen one person who has made their dreams come true by staying in their comfort zones.  By becoming the woman that I was always meant to be, I’m inspiring other people.  One travel nurse recently asked me what new adventures I was planning.  That made me feel good that people noticed that I was going on different adventures.  One woman named Denise said that if the floor had 5 more nurses like me then the floor would be doing great.  She said that I always had a smile on my face no matter what was going on and that I helped out a lot.  My life coach helped me to realize that they were complimenting me on who I was as a person and not just me being a nurse.  I have become a better nurse now that I am taking care of myself.  I can tell people about my struggles and tell them that they can overcome it because I did it.  Becoming a travel nurse required me to become comfortable with change.  Every 13 weeks, I can stay at the hospital that I’m working for or I can go to another location.  After the Florida job ended, I wanted to go to Hawaii.  My recruiter told me that if I got a job in Hawaii my hours couldn’t be guaranteed.  So I might not work for a whole week depended on the needs of the hospital.  I still felt like I should go.  I didn’t tell the recruiter to apply to jobs in Hawaii.  So I started to apply to hospitals in Florida.  Florida felt safe to me.  I really didn’t want to go back there.  If I was going to go back to Florida then I would go back to University Hospital because I like the staff there.  I got 2 calls from hospitals in Florida but I declined them.  I knew what I wanted and I wasn’t interested in playing it safe and staying in Florida.  I prayed about it.  I told my recruiter to submit me for the jobs in Hawaii.  By the grace of God, all three jobs in Hawaii called me.  I was able to pick the best one for me and now I’m going to Hawaii!!  If I had of played it safe then I would be going back to Florida instead of where I really wanted to go.  So I’ve learned not to play it safe when going after what I want.  Nothing good ever happened from staying in your comfort zone.

For those of you who are choosing to love then this post is for you.  My first experience with racism was in kindergarten.  I was sitting around a table with four other little girls.  We were all different races.  One little girl said that she wanted to go to a magical island but I couldn’t go because I was black.  I didn’t understand at the time why that would matter and it did hurt me.  Looking back on that situation now, I realize that she was probably just repeating what she had heard her parents say.  I realize that hate is taught.  I recently went to a Dr. Brian Weiss workshop.  He said something that stayed with me.  He said how could you hate or be racist toward another human being when you know that you’ve probably been that race or gender in your past lives.  I realized that my soul is colorless and genderless.  When I reincarnate, I’m not always going to be black and I’m not always going to be a woman.  That night in my room, I looked at my DNA results.  All of the past lives that I’ve seen correspond to my DNA results.  I’ve seen myself as a native American woman, a Native American male, a white male, an Asian male, an African woman, and a African American woman.  I don’t think that is a coincidence.  I can’t hate on or turn my back on any race because I’ve been so many races in my past lives.  I choose to love all races.  Turning my back on any race feels like I’m turning my back on myself.  I didn’t get to where I am today just by the support of black people.  It took a lot of people of different races to get me to where I am.  I don’t want to live in a world where black people only support black people, white people only support white people, or Mexicans only support Mexican people.  If I’m going to change this world for the better then I have to be the change that I want to see.  I want to see all different types of people helping each other.  When a person really and truly loves themselves then how can that same person spread hate.  When you put negativity out in the world, how can you expect to get only positive things?  If a person is racist towards you, that doesn’t mean that you have to be racist towards them.  That is more a reflection of their character than of your character.  I am still an awesome person even if some people are racist towards me.  Racism is a cycle of hate that that person will have to end themselves.  I believe that a racist person is going to come back in their next life as the race that they hate.  That way they can see what it feels like to be hated for the color of their skin.  The cycle will keep repeating itself until the lesson is learned that hate is unnecessary.  We are all human beings.  The color of our skin doesn’t reflect our souls.  The body is just a temporary house for our souls.  Just like hate can be taught so can love.  Love comes more naturally to humans than hate.  I choose to love rather than hate.  Thank you to all the people who have supported me and changed my life.

Going vegan hasn’t been as hard as I thought it would be.  For the past 3 weeks, I’ve only had meat 3 times.  The veggie burgers have begun to taste like meat.  I also eat a lot more beans now.  I’m still trying to find one that I don’t have to cook.  When I ate the chicken and the tuna, I got bloated afterwards.  The tuna was too salty.  My taste buds have changed.  I realized that that bloated feeling used to be normal to me.  When I was eating fast food every meal, I was always bloated.  Now that I’m listening to my body,  I know what it craves now.  I don’t crave meat.  I used to say that I couldn’t eat any vegetables without meat and now I can.  Ever since I started to eat healthy my mood has stabilized.  My life coach said to me one time that the “standard American diet” is designed to make you feel sad.  I did feel sad a lot when I ate fast food every meal.  I was on an emotional rollercoaster every day.  It was exhausting.  Now when someone makes a bad comment about me, I just brush it off.  I feel so good about myself that their opinion doesn’t make me feel bad anymore.  I never realized that what you put in your body effects how you feel about yourself.  Even exercising effects my mood.  The vegan meals at the Omega Institute were great.  I thought going vegan would mean that the food would have no taste or be bland.  I was surprised to be proven wrong.  Slowly and surely I’m going to go completely vegan.  I love the way I feel now so I can’t go back to the way things used to be.  I may cave in and have a muffin every now and then around that time of the month but I won’t feel guilty.

Showing Up!

I used to be afraid to show up in life.

I was afraid of what people would think or say about me.

So I played it safe.

Ran away from conflict.

Sat on the sidelines and watched life go by.

Telling myself that I would start to live tomorrow.

Tomorrow never comes and never dies.

That’s why it was safe to bet on tomorrow.

The thing is that tomorrow is never promised to anyone.

I was literally killing myself slowly day by day with my choices.

One day I had to say right now.

I decided right now would be the moment that I would stop killing myself.

I was going to show up and start to live my life.

No one could live my life for me.

No one could change me but me.

No one could lose weight for me.

I was no longer going to listen to my fears.

I was going to listen to God and show up in life.

I did not want to just exist anymore.

I was going to live instead.

Things started to change when I started to show up.

My dreams became my reality.

Shavawn Boyer

I am a kind person.

I am an alchemist.

I am a child of God.

I am a poet.

I am a writer.

I am a travel nurse.

I am a dreamer.

I am a public speaker.

I am Mrs. Carter.

I am happy.

I am a patient person.

I am a beautiful person on the inside and outside.

I am a strong person.

I have a great smile.

I will be an author.

I will be a movie director.

I am an intuitive person.

I am immortal.

I am grateful.

I am amazing.

I am special.

I am a beautiful soul.

I’m not only surviving, I’m thriving.  A few months ago, my best friend decided she didn’t want me in her life anymore.  I was hurt but now I look back on it and I’m not sad anymore.  I look at it as a blessing in disguise.  I still love her like a sister.  I might not have done all the things that I’ve done if that had not happened.  I still have 2 wonderful best friends.  I have so many new people in my life now.  My life has never felt so fulfilling or rewarding!  My strength lies in being myself.  I have people in my life now that see my worth and help me also see my worth.  I have grown so much in the past few months.  A few months ago, I was only imagining that I would go para-sailing, become a travel nurse, go on a hot air balloon ride, and going on a tour into the swamp.  Now that’s just what I done.  I’m learning to turn the negative into a positive.  If I go up to someone and try to start a conversation and they walk away.  That has nothing to do with me.  I’m still a great person even if they didn’t want to talk to me.  I’ve also learned that even when I make a mistake, God will take care of me.  If I had not extended my contract in Florida then I would not have had the lizards come into my condo.  I was a little hesitant to extend my contract at first but I did it anyway.  The day that I was supposed to move out, is the day that the first lizard came into my condo.  I would have missed out on the lessons that the lizards taught me.  I looked up what a lizard crossing your path means and I got a lesson.  The website said that a lizard means to slow down and not be in a hurry to get somewhere.  I was hoping that I would bump into my future husband since his house was only about an hour from me.  I need to stop rushing and take my time.  “All new things are born in your dreams.” -Unknown.  I recently turned down a travel job in Florida.  Right now I want to go to Hawaii.  I feel pulled to Hawaii right now.  Every thing is going to work out how ever it is meant to.  I had a dream last night that I got a travel job in Hawaii.  My job is coming, I just have to wait on it.  I love this new feeling that I have.  Surviving and thriving at the same time!!!

Last weekend was my first vacation in over 9 years!  I had so much fun.  It was so freeing to be around people who think like me.  I was telling people some things that I haven’t even told my family or friends yet.  I was so open.  People were telling me that I was cool and amazing.  It still feels weird when people tell me that I’m special or cool.  I went to a Dr. Brian Weiss workshop at Omega Institute in Rhinebeck,NY.  The institute is set in the mountains and there is a lake.  There were so many activities to do.  I was sitting by the lake in the morning and a groundhog shows up and starts eating about 15 feet away from me.  There were birds flying all around me.  I was awestruck by it all.  A bunny rabbit showed up a little later.  The institute serves a vegetarian diet and I was a little worried at first but the food tasted great.  About 2 weeks ago, I started giving up meat.  I don’t miss it and I feel so great.  I came back from my vacation and I had lost 4 pounds.  After my weekend in New York, I went to a retreat with my life coach in Massachusetts.  Oh my gosh, the Berkshire Mountains are so beautiful.  My life coach is so amazing!!  We did yoga, hiking, meditation, I wrote myself a love letter, and we did so many other activities.  We went hiking in this place called the Ice Glen.  She told me that if fairies were alive then they would live in the Ice Glens and she was right.  I nicknamed it fairytown.  We did this activity were I wrote on some rocks everything that I had been holding onto that I didn’t need anymore.  I wrote down things like worrying, comparison, self doubt, and my eating disorder.  Before we started hiking, I threw the rocks into the river.  It was so powerful and freeing.  I got so many ideas from that weekend.  I thought I had my future pretty much planned out from my dreams and God decided to throw another amazing thing my way!  Stay tuned because it’s so good!!!

I’m so excited to finally be going on vacation.  My last travel job was the first time in 9 years that I have been outside of Georgia.  I had made plans to go on vacation and the plans would always get messed up.  Either the other people couldn’t afford it or they couldn’t get off from work.  I considered going on a solocation but I never did it.  I was scared to do things by myself.  I realized that if I waited on other people to do things, then I would end up doing nothing.  Which is what I ended up doing.  I just went to work, school, and out to dinner at times.  I was leading a very boring life.  I promised myself that when I became a travel nurse, I would start living the life I always wanted to live.  I would start doing things and not just sitting at home.  I learned that by not taking care of myself, I was really hurting myself.  Part of taking care of myself is going on a vacation and taking time off from work.  The only time that I took off from work in the past 9 years, was when I was sick or changing jobs.  I would always be the first one asking to go home early from work if the census dropped.  I was just ready for a change. Thank God I got 3 months off when I started looking for a travel nurse job.  I thought that I would get a travel nurse job really fast when I put in my 2 weeks notice.  I still didn’t go anywhere because I was scared to spend money with no money coming in.  I moved back in with my parents and waiting on a job.  My parents were scared for me.  My dad would keep saying to me that you never quit a job without another job already lined up.  I knew I was going to be a travel nurse.  I saw it in my dreams.  While I was waiting for a job, I was working on other things.  I finally had the time to relax and get to really know myself.  It was an exercise in my faith.  So now I know that I need to take a vacation every year.  It’s just a part of loving myself.  I will be doing my happy dance on the way to the airport!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KPwzGzk2S0

 

I have known my role models all my life.  They have influenced me, taught me, and loved me.  My role models have always been my parents.  Through their examples and wisdom, they have shaped who I am.  My mom’s smile lights up a room.  Her inner and outer beauty are so special.  All my life I have heard that I look like my mother and that always makes me smile.  My father has taught me about how to be an independent woman and what a man should do for his family.  When I was scared as a child, my dad would sleep on the floor next to my bed until I fell asleep.  My dad has gotten woken up so many times to kill bugs for me.  My father has gotten out of bed and drove 20 minutes to my house just to kill a spider.  That’s why if a man doesn’t kill spiders, I really can’t marry him.  Yes I can kill spiders by myself but if my dad is there I let him do it.  His lectures on finances have helped me.  They have always believed in me even when I didn’t.  Through there example of love, I know what love should look like.  No man can sell me a dream or tell me they love me without any actions behind their words.  I had an ex who let me leave his house because he wouldn’t kill the spider that was in the living room.  I told him I couldn’t stay in a room unless he got the spider out.  He told me that he didn’t kill spiders and continued to sit on the couch.  I left his house and I knew right then that he didn’t love me.  I already had known that he wasn’t going to be my husband but I thought that he loved me.  When I was little, my dad would leave love notes on the refrigerator for my mom.  I strive to be like my mom everyday.  She is my example of what a good woman is.  I haven’t told them this but they are my role models.  I love and admire them.  I appreciate every thing they have done for me.  Yes, this superhero nurse has role models!!